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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

#6983877
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33983) - you deserved it (3048)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

#6822450
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23140) - you deserved it (2249)

On 12/19/2009 at 1:20am - animals - by dog_day (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

#6805799
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12437) - you deserved it (22592)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Tib (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

#6649711
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26180) - you deserved it (3900)

On 12/07/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by ditzen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

#6646693
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20542) - you deserved it (3539)

On 12/07/2009 at 4:30am - intimacy - by roxyriley - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at the costume rental shop I work at, when I saw a kid trying to walk out the door wearing what appeared to be one of our fake monster claws, so I chased him down and grabbed it. It wasn't. It was his prosthetic hand. FML

#6634050
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13833) - you deserved it (31317)

On 12/06/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by lolfayce (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

#6599049
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26493) - you deserved it (2986)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

#6563359
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48951) - you deserved it (3519)

On 12/02/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by errrmkl46 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was driving down a highway during rush-hour. I heard my phone ring and couldn't find it. I bent down to feel around for it and got in an accident and totaled my car. The ringing? A commercial on the radio. Where was my phone? On my dresser at home. FML

#6554533
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9330) - you deserved it (65048)

On 12/01/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by horribledriver (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

#6431680
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8740) - you deserved it (25357)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

#6421285
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31501) - you deserved it (2764)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by ellie (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

#6403775
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35162) - you deserved it (2525)

On 11/22/2009 at 11:49am - health - by trying2breathe (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

#6356025
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18067) - you deserved it (7513)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:35pm - intimacy - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)



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