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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

#6599049
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25677) - you deserved it (2910)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

#6563359
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48757) - you deserved it (3505)

On 12/02/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by errrmkl46 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was driving down a highway during rush-hour. I heard my phone ring and couldn't find it. I bent down to feel around for it and got in an accident and totaled my car. The ringing? A commercial on the radio. Where was my phone? On my dresser at home. FML

#6554533
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8969) - you deserved it (63493)

On 12/01/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by horribledriver (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

#6431680
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8403) - you deserved it (24623)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

#6421285
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29968) - you deserved it (2632)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by ellie (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

#6403775
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33458) - you deserved it (2395)

On 11/22/2009 at 11:49am - health - by trying2breathe (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

#6356025
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17868) - you deserved it (7480)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:35pm - intimacy - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

#6351075
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23406) - you deserved it (2296)

On 11/18/2009 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I came in to work and found the conference room white boards completely clean. My assistant wiped all the white boards where I spent 10 hours writing schedule for the next three months. I was going to meet with all supervisors to finalize that schedule today. FML

#6137753
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33467) - you deserved it (6343)

On 11/03/2009 at 4:51pm - work - by CorpDrone (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

#6067790
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26456) - you deserved it (1833)

On 10/30/2009 at 6:11am - money - by WTF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

#6001127
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19147) - you deserved it (43282)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML

#5964680
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30779) - you deserved it (6538)

On 10/23/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went outside to enjoy the cool air without my glasses. I saw my neighbor doing the same, so I waved and said hi. When she didn't respond, I yelled and went back inside. It was only later when I went back out with my glasses on that I realized I was being ignored by a Halloween decoration. FML

#5849448
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8200) - you deserved it (28770)

On 10/16/2009 at 9:39am - misc - by Phazzer (man) - United States (Arizona)



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