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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML

#8012702
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5628) - you deserved it (41696)

On 02/08/2010 at 2:29pm - misc - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

#7973705
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28882) - you deserved it (2542)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:32pm - misc - by mrmr - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

#7922927
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (2415)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:09am - love - by Crud (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

#7870282
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25234) - you deserved it (7185)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:29am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

#7247927
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26445) - you deserved it (2579)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:29pm - misc - by 1thapp3ns (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML

#7143279
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36531) - you deserved it (2721)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:34am - health - by Soresack (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML

#7098506
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29011) - you deserved it (4000)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

#6990979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25560) - you deserved it (3486)

On 12/28/2009 at 10:14am - work - by kawaiixalice (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

#6983877
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33746) - you deserved it (3036)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

#6822450
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22973) - you deserved it (2236)

On 12/19/2009 at 1:20am - animals - by dog_day (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

#6805799
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12353) - you deserved it (22476)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Tib (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

#6649711
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25999) - you deserved it (3888)

On 12/07/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by ditzen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

#6646693
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20333) - you deserved it (3523)

On 12/07/2009 at 4:30am - intimacy - by roxyriley - United States (Arizona)



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