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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

#9181669
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14014) - you deserved it (33143)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

#8984403
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17343) - you deserved it (4193)

On 03/10/2010 at 10:03pm - misc - by ohemgee (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

#8862243
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22854) - you deserved it (2173)

On 03/06/2010 at 2:28am - work - by AlyssaBC (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

#8654763
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26881) - you deserved it (1874)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by cmendez - United States (Arizona)

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

#8568837
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30535) - you deserved it (3058)

On 02/22/2010 at 9:46pm - love - by Crappyfayman (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

#8388229
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24207) - you deserved it (1984)

On 02/17/2010 at 9:46pm - misc - by WTFsalad (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

#8347033
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27252) - you deserved it (1973)

On 02/16/2010 at 7:00pm - love - by blaze (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me. I punched him in the face, he broke up with me. And I still had to cook him an entire turkey dinner. FML

#8185131
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10647) - you deserved it (35225)

On 02/12/2010 at 10:30pm - love - by Pushover (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML

#8012702
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5597) - you deserved it (41583)

On 02/08/2010 at 2:29pm - misc - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

#7973705
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28806) - you deserved it (2538)

On 02/07/2010 at 1:32pm - misc - by mrmr - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

#7922927
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25896) - you deserved it (2410)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:09am - love - by Crud (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

#7870282
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25159) - you deserved it (7175)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:29am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

#7247927
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26365) - you deserved it (2575)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:29pm - misc - by 1thapp3ns (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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