FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

by AgentFreshers / 07/07/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

by T-Guy / 07/02/2011 at 11:01pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

by FMarinasL / 06/30/2011 at 7:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

by sabadaba / 06/19/2011 at 1:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

by evomadrid24 / 06/01/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

by iscreamforicecream / 06/01/2011 at 7:53am / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

by Me / 05/31/2011 at 2:49am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

by Phantommajik / 05/10/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

by rastafarimon / 04/17/2011 at 1:56am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

by Xanadu / 04/16/2011 at 3:04am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML

by lovely321 / 04/02/2011 at 3:46pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

by ouch / 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently, he's going to a concert with my step-mom all evening. It's been their plan for months. Friday is my birthday. That's been set since the day I was born. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 5:34am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous