FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, my mother screamed and swore at me because I said I was looking to move out soon. Apparently, the idea of me moving out at 27 and her getting a job to pay her own way is devastating. FML

by whyme / 03/10/2012 at 6:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the middle of sex my boyfriend asked if he could use the bathroom. It would've been fine, if he didn't fall asleep on the toilet. FML

by Karen / 03/04/2012 at 9:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

by eeelise5296 / 03/01/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

by Anon / 02/11/2012 at 10:01pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I had to call AAA for the fifth time in two months. When the driver got out, I instantly recognized him. It was the same guy who helped me out all the previous occasions. When he saw me, he snorted and doubled over laughing. FML

by big steve / 02/11/2012 at 1:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

by Falcon / 02/09/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

by frownyface / 01/14/2012 at 12:32pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

by Needsanewjob / 01/10/2012 at 10:34am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML

by cj123 / 12/23/2011 at 3:43am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

by Ryan / 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my car was towed. After taking a cab all the way to the lot for $45 and paying the $250 fee to get my car back, my car broke down in the impound lot and needed to be towed to the nearest shop, where it took another $200 to fix, and $50 for the towing. I still have a 3 hour drive home. FML

by Bladerunner / 12/01/2011 at 4:49am / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2011 at 11:41pm / United States (Arizona) / Health