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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

#13389421
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31739) - you deserved it (3035)

On 10/10/2010 at 4:45am - misc - by toazt - United States (Arizona)

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

#13313277
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26211) - you deserved it (3224)

On 10/04/2010 at 2:46am - misc - by screwthewilderness (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

#13269256
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26275) - you deserved it (3918)

On 09/30/2010 at 9:55pm - love - by dontask (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

#13167367
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12169) - you deserved it (44687)

On 09/23/2010 at 7:01am - misc - by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

#13137769
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7578) - you deserved it (72055)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:49am - animals - by awesome - United States (Arizona)

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

#13091874
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19281) - you deserved it (8531)

On 09/17/2010 at 10:34pm - misc - by muffins69 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I bought a new, expensive face moisturizer. However, it smells like poop. I paid $20 dollars to make my face smell like shit. FML

#12880728
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10918) - you deserved it (27560)

On 09/03/2010 at 2:18am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML

#12618880
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27510) - you deserved it (7736)

On 08/19/2010 at 2:15am - misc - by mylifeblows (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

#12530791
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30363) - you deserved it (3655)

On 08/15/2010 at 12:39am - work - by ouch (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

#12144895
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24152) - you deserved it (12363)

On 07/27/2010 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by aero00 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

#12110057
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29107) - you deserved it (9431)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by cameltoeyourface (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

#12097515
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23776) - you deserved it (3105)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:17am - kids - by longdrive (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

#11434783
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89517) - you deserved it (5862)

On 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)



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