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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

#13167367
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11060) - you deserved it (42625)

On 09/23/2010 at 7:01am - misc - by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

#13137769
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6996) - you deserved it (69125)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:49am - animals - by awesome - United States (Arizona)

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

#13091874
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17666) - you deserved it (8249)

On 09/17/2010 at 10:34pm - misc - by muffins69 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I bought a new, expensive face moisturizer. However, it smells like poop. I paid $20 dollars to make my face smell like shit. FML

#12880728
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9562) - you deserved it (24959)

On 09/03/2010 at 2:18am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML

#12618880
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24964) - you deserved it (7380)

On 08/19/2010 at 2:15am - misc - by mylifeblows (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

#12530791
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (2694)

On 08/15/2010 at 12:39am - work - by ouch (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

#12144895
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22176) - you deserved it (11849)

On 07/27/2010 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by aero00 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

#12110057
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27669) - you deserved it (9209)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by cameltoeyourface (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

#12097515
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20660) - you deserved it (2839)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:17am - kids - by longdrive (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

#11434783
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86857) - you deserved it (5669)

On 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and he hates my dog. FML

#11217178
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41118) - you deserved it (6667)

On 06/15/2010 at 2:18pm - love - by Samantha (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

#10974262
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26947) - you deserved it (18332)

On 06/04/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by xricardo - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

#10938544
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28764) - you deserved it (3396)

On 06/03/2010 at 3:44am - animals - by Kate - United States (Arizona)



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