FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

by azmom / 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I still can't find a job to support myself. The only experience I have is a month in retail and a summer spent in a kitchen de-pooping shrimp. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2012 at 5:46pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML

by bitchyhiccups / 03/19/2012 at 9:14am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

by Rapunzel / 03/18/2012 at 4:02pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother screamed and swore at me because I said I was looking to move out soon. Apparently, the idea of me moving out at 27 and her getting a job to pay her own way is devastating. FML

by whyme / 03/10/2012 at 6:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the middle of sex my boyfriend asked if he could use the bathroom. It would've been fine, if he didn't fall asleep on the toilet. FML

by Karen / 03/04/2012 at 9:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

by eeelise5296 / 03/01/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

by Anon / 02/11/2012 at 10:01pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I had to call AAA for the fifth time in two months. When the driver got out, I instantly recognized him. It was the same guy who helped me out all the previous occasions. When he saw me, he snorted and doubled over laughing. FML

by big steve / 02/11/2012 at 1:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

by Falcon / 02/09/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I were burning our Christmas tree. For a laugh, my dad jokingly pushed me toward the fire. I tripped, and my doctor says the burns are probably going to scar. FML

by frownyface / 01/14/2012 at 12:32pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

by Needsanewjob / 01/10/2012 at 10:34am / United States (Arizona) / Work