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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

#17601830
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9635) - you deserved it (43938)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:37am - love - by JJAnd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I learned that the "If I can't see you, you can't see me." rule is entirely false. Just because I can't initially see my creepy neighbor, doesn't mean he isn't watching me change my clothes through the blinds. FML

#17585991
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27905) - you deserved it (3584)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Peekaboo (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33304) - you deserved it (2876)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

#17471186
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25153) - you deserved it (14549)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

#17446772
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36649) - you deserved it (7150)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Pissedoff777 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

#17406072
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22810) - you deserved it (3553)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:12am - misc - by MissArizona (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

#17381048
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32032) - you deserved it (3955)

On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML

#17375623
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34554) - you deserved it (2087)

On 08/05/2011 at 5:27am - misc - by iloveryanhiga (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

#17316346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34652) - you deserved it (3157)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Tireddddddd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML

#17172362
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32791) - you deserved it (3074)

On 07/19/2011 at 1:42am - misc - by KidCudi227 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

#17170147
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14008) - you deserved it (30144)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:23pm - intimacy - by RobinBunny713 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

#17078615
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31113) - you deserved it (2954)

On 07/12/2011 at 9:34am - misc - by Ghettogirl4life - United States (Arizona)

Today, after weeks of drinking my mom's vodka and replacing it with water, it now only tastes like water. She has a habit of drinking on Fridays. Today is Friday. My life is a ticking time bomb. FML

#17030601
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9973) - you deserved it (83168)

On 07/08/2011 at 4:38pm - misc - by UhOh (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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