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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

#21168349
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50089) - you deserved it (4885)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm - misc - by I'm Not Dead Yet - United States (Arizona)

Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML

Today, I was at my retail job and we had to change the mannequin's outfit. I had to hold her while my manager grabbed the new outfit. I rested my head on her naked plastic chest, and it was the closest I've got to affection in years. FML

#21138983
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41987) - you deserved it (6583)

On 05/13/2014 at 7:42pm - work - by imaginationdarling (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

#21122958
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39938) - you deserved it (6358)

On 04/25/2014 at 7:45pm - health - by fuck you, Jeff (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21887) - you deserved it (53892)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML

#21115571
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48305) - you deserved it (4210)

On 04/17/2014 at 3:59pm - work - by badessaymyass (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML

#21112284
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32704) - you deserved it (10434)

On 04/13/2014 at 9:32pm - misc - by ohmygod582 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

#21105694
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37817) - you deserved it (4549)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:57am - misc - by FaceTime issues - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

#21102658
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34255) - you deserved it (16452)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:20am - misc - by Sad Nerd (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41949) - you deserved it (4253)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

#21087087
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41803) - you deserved it (4870)

On 03/15/2014 at 3:35am - love - by Burning Love - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

#21070906
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39985) - you deserved it (4948)

On 02/25/2014 at 12:22am - love - by M.A. (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34198) - you deserved it (6096)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)



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