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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

#21102658
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34171) - you deserved it (16419)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:20am - misc - by Sad Nerd (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41431) - you deserved it (4195)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

#21087087
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40918) - you deserved it (4761)

On 03/15/2014 at 3:35am - love - by Burning Love - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

#21070906
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39883) - you deserved it (4937)

On 02/25/2014 at 12:22am - love - by M.A. (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34137) - you deserved it (6081)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55854) - you deserved it (8982)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53273) - you deserved it (32375)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

#21024837
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42268) - you deserved it (20960)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

#20997867
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42241) - you deserved it (4335)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:48am - misc - by sammers27 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring my boyfriend hid in my wine glass. It's still in me somewhere, and my doctor basically told me that I'll have to "keep an eye on things" if I want to find it. FML

#20967683
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44948) - you deserved it (5354)

On 11/23/2013 at 5:32am - love - by fecal romance (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52360) - you deserved it (3294)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, someone stole my card number and tried to use it. Every transaction got declined, not because the bank knew it was a fraudulent charge, but because I'm so poor that he couldn't make even a single purchase. FML



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