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FMLs submitted from Arizona

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

#21330918
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27844) - you deserved it (6119)

On 01/04/2015 at 9:50pm - love - by myboyfriendisweird - United States (Arizona)

Today, while at work at a call center, I got a call from an elderly man who needed a new credit card because he'd accidentally cut up his own card instead of his wife's. Trying to be funny, I said "Trying to keep her in line, eh?" Turns out his wife had just died. FML

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

#21328639
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24071) - you deserved it (4675)

On 01/01/2015 at 1:16pm - love - by ButtWorthSingingBout (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

#21327166
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27425) - you deserved it (3749)

On 12/30/2014 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by GladYoureConcerned (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

#21326703
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27493) - you deserved it (2841)

On 12/29/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by happytuckerhappy (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

#21325373
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29059) - you deserved it (4482)

On 12/27/2014 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

#21310077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31760) - you deserved it (3515)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

#21296899
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34283) - you deserved it (4397)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:56am - animals - by izzy46111 - United States (Arizona)

Today, the last of my close friends announced she is pregnant. Meanwhile, I'm single and my nest is empty. Well, not exactly, because even my freaking cat is pregnant. FML

#21295090
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34373) - you deserved it (4617)

On 11/08/2014 at 11:06pm - kids - by NoBabies - United States (Arizona)

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

#21289474
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28487) - you deserved it (13943)

On 11/01/2014 at 1:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32363) - you deserved it (3382)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

#21272324
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50747) - you deserved it (4529)

On 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm - love - by whywouldyoudothat - United States (Arizona)

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33346) - you deserved it (2455)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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