Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2439) - you totally deserved it (1175)
On 11/18/2009 at 4:35pm - intimacy - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML
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On 11/18/2009 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I came in to work and found the conference room white boards completely clean. My assistant wiped all the white boards where I spent 10 hours writing schedule for the next three months. I was going to meet with all supervisors to finalize that schedule today. FML
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On 11/03/2009 at 4:51pm - work - by CorpDrone (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML
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On 10/30/2009 at 6:11am - money - by WTF (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML
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On 10/26/2009 at 12:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML
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On 10/23/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I went outside to enjoy the cool air without my glasses. I saw my neighbor doing the same, so I waved and said hi. When she didn't respond, I yelled and went back inside. It was only later when I went back out with my glasses on that I realized I was being ignored by a Halloween decoration. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4444) - you totally deserved it (15958)
On 10/16/2009 at 9:39am - misc - by Phazzer (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML
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On 10/14/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by creepystalkerguy (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML
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On 10/12/2009 at 4:19pm - misc - by n_london (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
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On 10/09/2009 at 11:05am - love - by TasedAndDazed (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML
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On 10/01/2009 at 5:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I realized that 6 months ago I signed up for a 3 day trial for a porn website that turns into a $30 membership after 3 days. I completely forgot the day after and never viewed it. I've spent $180 so far. And I can't remember my password. FML
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On 09/30/2009 at 9:22pm - money - by GetMoney (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found a parking citation from my college on my car windshield. It read PERMIT CITATION at the top. It confused me, as I had bought a parking permit 2 or 3 weeks before so that I wouldn't get a ticket. Turns out I got fined because the permit was on the wrong side of the windshield. FML
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On 09/29/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Rael (man) - United States (Arizona)
