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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

#20675286
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48263) - you deserved it (4224)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by well okay then - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50014) - you deserved it (7009)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47904) - you deserved it (3364)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

#20649670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70292) - you deserved it (5178)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

#20647398
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48900) - you deserved it (8926)

On 05/07/2013 at 8:48am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

#20636616
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39484) - you deserved it (6165)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48078) - you deserved it (9420)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

#20589493
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48840) - you deserved it (3877)

On 04/14/2013 at 3:28am - love - by MissedTheBoat (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

#20584117
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37461) - you deserved it (3523)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm - misc - by great idea - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

#20569899
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33772) - you deserved it (7417)

On 04/01/2013 at 12:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50253) - you deserved it (5737)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

#20550300
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44695) - you deserved it (3386)

On 03/19/2013 at 12:40am - love - by lanz4949 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

#20542189
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45957) - you deserved it (7533)

On 03/13/2013 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by WhyDoINeedAName - Canada (Alberta)



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