FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 11:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

by ShutTheFuCupcake / 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

by Jarool / 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned in my best painting yet for a scholarship competition. For once in my life, I was actually proud of a piece I'd done. I ended up losing the scholarship to some dickface who'd basically just glued together some crap from the dollar store and called it conceptual art. FML

by assgoblins piss me off / 05/06/2014 at 4:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to face one of my fears. I've never had a birthday party, out of fear that nobody would come. I sent out a mass text inviting people out for my birthday, trying to sound casual. The only replies I received were along the lines of "Who the hell's this?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2014 at 10:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

by lonely_island / 04/28/2014 at 5:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

by Foreveralone17362562 / 04/15/2014 at 10:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

by gerontofuck / 04/15/2014 at 5:55pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

by BeatByA9yrold / 04/12/2014 at 3:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I brought home my 3D glasses after a movie. I had a laugh about it until I realized that I put my $100 sunglasses in the recycle box outside of the theatre instead. FML

by BobRyder / 04/10/2014 at 4:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, at a staff meeting, our boss sighed and asked why I'm always in the meetings instead of my co-worker. I reminded him that it's because I'm the department supervisor, not my co-worker. He wouldn't believe me until he saw it for himself in our personnel files. FML

by KBBL / 03/12/2014 at 12:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the mail. It has been two months. I reviewed my application and realized I forgot to put a mailing address down. FML

by AmericanAlien / 03/08/2014 at 9:15pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous