FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I was lying on the couch after having surgery on my stomach. My best friend and my mom thought that laughter would be the best medicine. Due to their medicine, I ripped out half my stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2010 at 5:08pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a cashier in a grocery store. The visiting regional manager tore me a new one for being lazy. His reason? After working a double shift with no break, I decided to sit down for a minute when things got slow. FML

by Bob / 01/21/2010 at 8:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I was getting off the bus, when these two guys behind me started commenting on my bag, oblivious to the fact that I could hear them say, "Look at his ugly man-purse," and "It that looks like the satchel that Indiana Jones has". I'm a girl. Who is planning majoring in fashion studies. FML

by Indiana / 01/16/2010 at 12:14am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

by SMRT / 01/13/2010 at 1:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

by Hayley / 01/10/2010 at 10:37pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

by Animal_aide / 01/07/2010 at 1:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

by stillavirgin / 01/03/2010 at 2:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2009 at 7:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

by Foam / 12/26/2009 at 1:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

by flurina / 12/18/2009 at 3:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

by sarabalism / 12/17/2009 at 12:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML

by g_unit / 12/10/2009 at 12:24am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

by Ballhugger / 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy