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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

#1627759
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60395) - you deserved it (4415)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by hurts (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

#1429892
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18066) - you deserved it (52205)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by ugh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

#1245192
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51866) - you deserved it (4910)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by karaokestar (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

#1050390
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41488) - you deserved it (6642)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

#847487
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59805) - you deserved it (8033)

On 04/07/2009 at 12:53am - love - by effedfosh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML

#765740
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24311) - you deserved it (48752)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

#713062
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111196) - you deserved it (5868)

On 03/30/2009 at 9:43pm - intimacy - by Julie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

#481871
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99926) - you deserved it (5617)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by rmb131 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

#131140
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38770) - you deserved it (3793)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:42am - love - by laf@me (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that she was really really lonely. She offered for me to come over and watch a few movies with her, and as I got prepared to leave she sent me a text saying " can you pick up my friend Spencer? " FML

#92040
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42684) - you deserved it (2859)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:42pm - love - by batman123 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19941) - you deserved it (34012)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. I pulled a muscle taking my sweater off in the locker room. FML

#3193
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25154) - you deserved it (5715)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by j4y - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

#3084
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48522) - you deserved it (6620)

On 01/28/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by karma - Canada (Alberta)



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