FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

by screwed / 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

by unattractive / 12/18/2010 at 4:32am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

by Christopher / 12/13/2010 at 4:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

 Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 3:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 6:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

by romedizzle / 11/24/2010 at 4:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

by kylie / 11/15/2010 at 4:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML

by Cantbreath94 / 11/13/2010 at 1:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

by anonymous / 11/06/2010 at 6:37pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2010 at 12:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 2:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

by demaris / 10/30/2010 at 7:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my new roommate likes to take the loose hair when she showers and make shapes with it on the shower wall. She calls it art. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 9:25pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous