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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

#15542094
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13823) - you deserved it (69338)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50131) - you deserved it (8171)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

#15470057
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39977) - you deserved it (3268)

On 03/24/2011 at 6:51pm - misc - by phantomdriver - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

#15247228
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36613) - you deserved it (3345)

On 03/09/2011 at 12:36am - work - by Cashier (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

#15193214
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10618) - you deserved it (40337)

On 03/04/2011 at 1:07am - work - by st00pid (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

#15067918
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36372) - you deserved it (7094)

On 02/21/2011 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by Clare (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

#15052365
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7321) - you deserved it (97318)

On 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by :/ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

#14954867
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15428) - you deserved it (59005)

On 02/13/2011 at 4:01am - intimacy - by RyanM - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

#14877775
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32518) - you deserved it (2375)

On 02/07/2011 at 1:52am - money - by bob - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

#14813495
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (2708)

On 02/02/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by alephnull (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML

#14709576
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36067) - you deserved it (6218)

On 01/25/2011 at 1:08pm - misc - by CLH (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

#14692086
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20680) - you deserved it (8104)

On 01/23/2011 at 10:41pm - health - by Sostupid (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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