FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

by musicislife1337 / 01/08/2012 at 2:24am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 10:30pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2011 at 6:36pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2011 at 12:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents woke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 2:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

by preggers / 11/30/2011 at 9:57am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

by anonymous / 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

by Janice / 11/07/2011 at 12:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I scored the winning goal in my soccer tournament. For the other team. FML

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

by Ariel_Mariaa / 11/04/2011 at 7:25pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 2:32am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML

by insanitycalling / 10/26/2011 at 2:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Work