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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

#15052365
407 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7308) - you deserved it (97165)

On 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by :/ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

#14954867
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15415) - you deserved it (58955)

On 02/13/2011 at 4:01am - intimacy - by RyanM - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

#14877775
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30864) - you deserved it (2250)

On 02/07/2011 at 1:52am - money - by bob - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

#14813495
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25797) - you deserved it (2708)

On 02/02/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by alephnull (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML

#14709576
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36005) - you deserved it (6210)

On 01/25/2011 at 1:08pm - misc - by CLH (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

#14692086
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20642) - you deserved it (8102)

On 01/23/2011 at 10:41pm - health - by Sostupid (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took the motherboard out of my computer so I could put more RAM and a new video card in. While I was in the bathroom my mom threw it all out because it 'looked like garbage'. FML

#14665828
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27987) - you deserved it (3725)

On 01/21/2011 at 8:15pm - misc - by computerguy (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to unlock my garage door. After shouting several profanities, my roommate walked up to me, turned the key the other way, and unlocked it. FML

#14532580
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5862) - you deserved it (28422)

On 01/10/2011 at 12:04pm - misc - by brandon - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

#14531234
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22635) - you deserved it (3338)

On 01/10/2011 at 8:23am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I am pregnant, and my boyfriend dumped me, saying that he didn't want to be stuck in anything too serious. FML

#14356906
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30593) - you deserved it (9109)

On 12/27/2010 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

#14305134
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24176) - you deserved it (7462)

On 12/23/2010 at 12:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

#14297992
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39505) - you deserved it (3761)

On 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by screwed (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

#14244528
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27442) - you deserved it (5778)

On 12/18/2010 at 4:32am - love - by unattractive (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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