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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

#17652760
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21799) - you deserved it (2578)

On 09/03/2011 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

#17643019
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33441) - you deserved it (3901)

On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

#17627394
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34473) - you deserved it (5360)

On 08/31/2011 at 2:31am - love - by ryanlogan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

#17620936
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29006) - you deserved it (3519)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm - kids - by bunkbed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

#17540688
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23411) - you deserved it (4075)

On 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm - health - by The captain - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

#17529546
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27589) - you deserved it (5958)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:26pm - work - by ChePow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my father described my method of hiding porn on the computer as "extremely naive." I don't know what's worse, that he found my porn or that he's better at hiding his. FML

#17355866
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14123) - you deserved it (28662)

On 08/03/2011 at 2:31pm - intimacy - by Alohaporno (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

#17350517
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33891) - you deserved it (2647)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:45am - money - by bigbill - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

#17294808
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38984) - you deserved it (9915)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

#17219052
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28268) - you deserved it (2028)

On 07/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by coffee girl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbor finally cut the grass on his front lawn. At 2 in the morning. FML

#17187293
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30714) - you deserved it (3080)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:55am - misc - by anon - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

#17173696
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41283) - you deserved it (3246)

On 07/19/2011 at 3:40am - intimacy - by ken - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

#17162768
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28085) - you deserved it (3834)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:22pm - health - by deeenalynn - Canada (Alberta)



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