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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

#17294808
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36835) - you deserved it (9554)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

#17219052
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28036) - you deserved it (2016)

On 07/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by coffee girl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbor finally cut the grass on his front lawn. At 2 in the morning. FML

#17187293
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28747) - you deserved it (2933)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:55am - misc - by anon - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

#17173696
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40301) - you deserved it (3177)

On 07/19/2011 at 3:40am - intimacy - by ken - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

#17162768
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27888) - you deserved it (3814)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:22pm - health - by deeenalynn - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

#17058882
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (12322)

On 07/10/2011 at 10:34pm - health - by muffintop (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

#17012107
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41878) - you deserved it (6361)

On 07/07/2011 at 8:19am - misc - by Snurkles (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

#16957068
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14207) - you deserved it (42999)

On 07/03/2011 at 1:51am - intimacy - by fmylife7721 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

#16894296
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31167) - you deserved it (52729)

On 06/28/2011 at 5:53am - love - by Mrs.Slyfox (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

#16827191
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35214) - you deserved it (4482)

On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

#16758586
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43008) - you deserved it (4626)

On 06/20/2011 at 3:43am - intimacy - by wtf - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

#16504841
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30250) - you deserved it (9913)

On 06/04/2011 at 9:10pm - misc - by wooowmom (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were driving to a costume party. On the way, we got into an argument and she kicked me out of her car. I had to walk around the city center in an Iron Man outfit trying to find the party venue. FML

#16446584
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27009) - you deserved it (8638)

On 06/01/2011 at 1:43am - misc - by 2ndplacechamp - Canada (Alberta)



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