FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2012 at 3:03pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML

by KenzFell / 06/05/2012 at 3:27am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

by Terri-Lynn / 05/30/2012 at 4:25pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

by ordinaryday / 05/22/2012 at 8:21am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

by SomePeoplesKids / 05/08/2012 at 2:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2012 at 12:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML

by leftoutdrunk / 05/05/2012 at 2:12pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

by dl / 04/11/2012 at 10:54pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML

by clinictime / 04/11/2012 at 7:05pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML

by kirsty / 04/08/2012 at 1:18pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2012 at 1:45pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 11:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous