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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

#17058882
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29829) - you deserved it (12319)

On 07/10/2011 at 10:34pm - health - by muffintop (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

#17012107
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41861) - you deserved it (6361)

On 07/07/2011 at 8:19am - misc - by Snurkles (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

#16957068
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14203) - you deserved it (42981)

On 07/03/2011 at 1:51am - intimacy - by fmylife7721 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

#16894296
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31158) - you deserved it (52699)

On 06/28/2011 at 5:53am - love - by Mrs.Slyfox (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

#16827191
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35195) - you deserved it (4480)

On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

#16758586
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42983) - you deserved it (4624)

On 06/20/2011 at 3:43am - intimacy - by wtf - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

#16504841
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30230) - you deserved it (9911)

On 06/04/2011 at 9:10pm - misc - by wooowmom (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were driving to a costume party. On the way, we got into an argument and she kicked me out of her car. I had to walk around the city center in an Iron Man outfit trying to find the party venue. FML

#16446584
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27001) - you deserved it (8637)

On 06/01/2011 at 1:43am - misc - by 2ndplacechamp - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

#16411283
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21162) - you deserved it (47455)

On 05/30/2011 at 12:29am - love - by kingpin9219 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

#16353069
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30576) - you deserved it (5881)

On 05/26/2011 at 2:00am - work - by Fred (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

#16040726
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41131) - you deserved it (7517)

On 05/04/2011 at 1:41am - misc - by kayt240 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

#16015656
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10773) - you deserved it (50988)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:39am - misc - by ChrissySoltys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

#15787937
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8566) - you deserved it (31274)

On 04/14/2011 at 8:53pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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