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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML

#17908594
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44771) - you deserved it (6831)

On 10/05/2011 at 12:16am - love - by myBFsucks - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that includes the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML

#17870431
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23147) - you deserved it (2552)

On 09/30/2011 at 11:12am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML

#17845836
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23525) - you deserved it (3228)

On 09/27/2011 at 4:28am - health - by toughbf (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML

#17803307
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26772) - you deserved it (2329)

On 09/22/2011 at 8:06am - work - by Soopa-Genius (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36259) - you deserved it (23325)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

#17694165
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23511) - you deserved it (2758)

On 09/08/2011 at 1:23am - misc - by all5fingers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

#17686275
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28139) - you deserved it (1976)

On 09/07/2011 at 1:59am - misc - by doughgirl101 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dog ran away. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well, but I ran after him anyway. Thinking I had caught up to him, I grabbed him. It wasn't my dog. It was a skunk. FML

#17666390
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28253) - you deserved it (5413)

On 09/05/2011 at 12:04am - animals - by stinky skunk - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

#17661211
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32770) - you deserved it (2716)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm - work - by -- - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

#17652760
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20851) - you deserved it (2484)

On 09/03/2011 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

#17643019
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31602) - you deserved it (3757)

On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

#17627394
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32432) - you deserved it (5140)

On 08/31/2011 at 2:31am - love - by ryanlogan - Canada (Alberta)



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