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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML

#17845836
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23479) - you deserved it (3227)

On 09/27/2011 at 4:28am - health - by toughbf (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML

#17803307
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25976) - you deserved it (2271)

On 09/22/2011 at 8:06am - work - by Soopa-Genius (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36203) - you deserved it (23302)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

#17694165
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23480) - you deserved it (2751)

On 09/08/2011 at 1:23am - misc - by all5fingers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

#17686275
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28103) - you deserved it (1975)

On 09/07/2011 at 1:59am - misc - by doughgirl101 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dog ran away. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well, but I ran after him anyway. Thinking I had caught up to him, I grabbed him. It wasn't my dog. It was a skunk. FML

#17666390
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28208) - you deserved it (5408)

On 09/05/2011 at 12:04am - animals - by stinky skunk - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

#17661211
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32228) - you deserved it (2670)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm - work - by -- - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

#17652760
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20820) - you deserved it (2482)

On 09/03/2011 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

#17643019
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31564) - you deserved it (3750)

On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

#17627394
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32397) - you deserved it (5140)

On 08/31/2011 at 2:31am - love - by ryanlogan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

#17620936
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27326) - you deserved it (3341)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm - kids - by bunkbed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

#17540688
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23212) - you deserved it (4060)

On 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm - health - by The captain - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

#17529546
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26039) - you deserved it (5763)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:26pm - work - by ChePow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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