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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

#19997834
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24636) - you deserved it (18006)

On 08/02/2012 at 2:53am - money - by busted - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

#19974193
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30505) - you deserved it (2371)

On 07/22/2012 at 9:57am - misc - by XxFA1LxX - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

#19967913
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9143) - you deserved it (20119)

On 07/21/2012 at 12:24pm - misc - by dawn (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

#19961052
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20737) - you deserved it (2271)

On 07/19/2012 at 10:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

#19935617
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12002) - you deserved it (34745)

On 07/14/2012 at 1:49am - misc - by tapeissticky591 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML

#19932203
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21725) - you deserved it (7365)

On 07/13/2012 at 10:36am - misc - by shorty4 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

#19898795
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10869) - you deserved it (31252)

On 07/06/2012 at 2:52am - misc - by CanadianTwin - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn't have time to text me back, but he does have time to post an entire Facebook album dedicated to cats. FML

#19865119
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26475) - you deserved it (4586)

On 06/29/2012 at 6:03am - misc - by JJBones (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

#19857408
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11525) - you deserved it (41595)

On 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm - kids - by apparantlyStupid - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

#19805199
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25024) - you deserved it (3834)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:57am - love - by crazybitch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

#19797334
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49110) - you deserved it (2423)

On 06/16/2012 at 3:03pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML

#19737125
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26418) - you deserved it (2890)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:27am - misc - by KenzFell (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

#19705256
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23058) - you deserved it (4188)

On 05/30/2012 at 4:25pm - health - by Terri-Lynn (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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