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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

#19207312
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23731) - you deserved it (7164)

On 03/03/2012 at 3:06am - health - by bannana0zoom - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

#19139199
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30340) - you deserved it (4015)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

#19126336
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24871) - you deserved it (2233)

On 02/20/2012 at 9:15pm - misc - by Carpet cleaner (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized the $40 iPhone case I bought to keep my new phone from getting scratched, scratched my iPhone. FML

#19114135
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23723) - you deserved it (5921)

On 02/19/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by LadyGore - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I dropped my bag to run after my two year old who had bolted in the parking lot. Once he was in his seat, I got in and drove away. I felt two large thumps as I drove over my own iPad, cellphone and wallet. FML

#19093347
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27588) - you deserved it (13247)

On 02/16/2012 at 1:36pm - kids - by ray - Canada (Alberta)

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23118) - you deserved it (2713)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

#18906599
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7267) - you deserved it (25888)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54am - health - by lol - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

#18876628
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28394) - you deserved it (6457)

On 01/22/2012 at 1:10am - health - by suckstobefat - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

#18812557
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33056) - you deserved it (3751)

On 01/15/2012 at 4:00am - intimacy - by involuntary waxing - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

#18742871
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26751) - you deserved it (2666)

On 01/08/2012 at 2:24am - misc - by musicislife1337 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

#18701372
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17993) - you deserved it (6841)

On 01/03/2012 at 10:30pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

#18572612
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25464) - you deserved it (12132)

On 12/21/2011 at 6:36pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

#18561191
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21693) - you deserved it (4981)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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