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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

#20058422
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24017) - you deserved it (1544)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by holymoly - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

#20049093
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27782) - you deserved it (2150)

On 08/30/2012 at 4:04am - misc - by freaked out - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I babysat for a woman for the first time. When I arrived, there was a large pile of dishes in the sink. I decided to wash the dishes for her while the kids napped. She came home, noticed it, and bitched me out over how I'd only done it "to try and get more money" out of her. What? FML

#20048491
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25642) - you deserved it (1723)

On 08/29/2012 at 9:03pm - misc - by never again - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

#20043967
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29461) - you deserved it (2481)

On 08/27/2012 at 2:45am - misc - by masterman - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML

#20041954
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18109) - you deserved it (2124)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:18am - misc - by AmyLeigh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my parents don't know the difference between a foreign person and a deaf person. They've been yelling at our exchange student for the past 2 days. FML

#20034373
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21585) - you deserved it (1397)

On 08/21/2012 at 7:17pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML

#20027750
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26737) - you deserved it (1780)

On 08/18/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by sneaky1324 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24533) - you deserved it (2678)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14819) - you deserved it (38517)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

#19999670
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22246) - you deserved it (5114)

On 08/03/2012 at 1:24am - love - by DeeGirlMon (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

#19998610
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22096) - you deserved it (2125)

On 08/02/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

#19997834
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22013) - you deserved it (16945)

On 08/02/2012 at 2:53am - money - by busted - Canada (Alberta)



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