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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML

#20027750
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26658) - you deserved it (1767)

On 08/18/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by sneaky1324 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23860) - you deserved it (2636)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14761) - you deserved it (38422)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

#19999670
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22138) - you deserved it (5104)

On 08/03/2012 at 1:24am - love - by DeeGirlMon (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

#19998610
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21987) - you deserved it (2119)

On 08/02/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

#19997834
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20963) - you deserved it (16516)

On 08/02/2012 at 2:53am - money - by busted - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

#19974193
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26576) - you deserved it (2080)

On 07/22/2012 at 9:57am - misc - by XxFA1LxX - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

#19967913
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7821) - you deserved it (17616)

On 07/21/2012 at 12:24pm - misc - by dawn (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

#19961052
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17314) - you deserved it (1970)

On 07/19/2012 at 10:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

#19935617
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10094) - you deserved it (31420)

On 07/14/2012 at 1:49am - misc - by tapeissticky591 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML

#19932203
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18272) - you deserved it (6794)

On 07/13/2012 at 10:36am - misc - by shorty4 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

#19898795
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9385) - you deserved it (28103)

On 07/06/2012 at 2:52am - misc - by CanadianTwin - Canada (Alberta)



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