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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42117) - you deserved it (1933)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

#20153506
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21934) - you deserved it (3918)

On 11/07/2012 at 1:39pm - work - by Owen - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

#20127118
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21009) - you deserved it (1920)

On 10/21/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by HOPE YOU GET PEGGED (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

#20122439
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21230) - you deserved it (2597)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:26pm - health - by murp (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

#20121146
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41391) - you deserved it (2175)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:16pm - love - by AbandonedHouseWife - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

#20103865
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20612) - you deserved it (1418)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:12am - health - by monkers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I fell down the stairs and landed heavily on my foot. Because I wasn't crying, my mom refused to take me to the hospital. It took me an hour of agony to convince her. It turned out to be broken in three different places. FML

#20098585
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26023) - you deserved it (1514)

On 10/02/2012 at 4:55pm - health - by ... - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got yelled at for providing horrible customer service, in a store I don't even work for. FML

#20094580
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22975) - you deserved it (1674)

On 09/30/2012 at 1:32am - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my best friend's birthday. It's also the first year I've had her gift purchased, wrapped and mailed on time. The post office lost the parcel. FML

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

#20090883
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29311) - you deserved it (1775)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:31am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

#20087510
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24079) - you deserved it (2341)

On 09/25/2012 at 12:13am - health - by N/A (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML

#20081429
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23422) - you deserved it (4023)

On 09/20/2012 at 10:40pm - kids - by tiredeolfatty (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

#20064691
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22708) - you deserved it (2710)

On 09/09/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by zed - Canada (Alberta)



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