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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML

#21479171
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22751) - you deserved it (2889)

On 10/12/2015 at 5:35pm - kids - by why do eggs explode - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

#21478471
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28310) - you deserved it (3553)

On 10/11/2015 at 12:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

#21478134
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24746) - you deserved it (5078)

On 10/10/2015 at 1:39am - misc - by iskalion (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jay-walked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

#21475501
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23701) - you deserved it (1516)

On 10/02/2015 at 9:13pm - misc - by scarredforlife (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML

#21473991
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21706) - you deserved it (8588)

On 09/28/2015 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anon - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

#21453093
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24162) - you deserved it (2157)

On 08/07/2015 at 9:49am - kids - by argfarblewarblearble (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I'm five and a half weeks pregnant. One of my coworkers told me that it sucks that I'll have to wait so long to show. I asked her what she meant; she replied, "It's always harder to tell when big girls are pregnant. Can't tell what's fat and what's baby." FML

#21428256
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29670) - you deserved it (4662)

On 06/18/2015 at 8:58pm - work - by pregnantfatty - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

#21427542
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24780) - you deserved it (12294)

On 06/17/2015 at 11:41am - misc - by HURP (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

#21424409
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25228) - you deserved it (2476)

On 06/11/2015 at 10:37am - love - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML

#21422192
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31709) - you deserved it (2583)

On 06/07/2015 at 5:46am - misc - by .......... (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while serving a customer, she told me: "God made you a working class citizen so you could serve! If God wanted you to go to college, he would have made sure you were able to go!" FML

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

#21414400
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33022) - you deserved it (1877)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:50am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27486) - you deserved it (4263)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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