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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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FMLs submitted from Alberta

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (6108) - you deserved it (694)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

#18906599 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (1909) - you deserved it (6503)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54am - health - by lol - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

#18876628 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (7946) - you deserved it (1836)

On 01/22/2012 at 1:10am - health - by suckstobefat - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

#18812557 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (8505) - you deserved it (947)

On 01/15/2012 at 4:00am - intimacy - by involuntary waxing - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

#18742871 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (7625) - you deserved it (708)

On 01/08/2012 at 2:24am - misc - by musicislife1337 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

#18701372 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (5354) - you deserved it (1990)

On 01/03/2012 at 10:30pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

#18572612 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (7469) - you deserved it (3522)

On 12/21/2011 at 6:36pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

#18561191 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (15480) - you deserved it (3468)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents woke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

#18482470 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (4369) - you deserved it (7096)

On 12/11/2011 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

#18393059 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (8584) - you deserved it (1045)

On 11/30/2011 at 9:57am - love - by preggers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

#18273262 (652)

I agree, your life sucks (31908) - you deserved it (7561)

On 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML

#18201382 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (23679) - you deserved it (1599)

On 11/09/2011 at 12:32pm - misc - by deviable - Canada (Alberta)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

#18180881 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (8303) - you deserved it (1937)

On 11/07/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Janice - Canada (Alberta)