FMLs submitted from Alaska

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

by no one / 05/21/2011 at 5:07am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, after spending 8 months and $11,000 on school, I was denied a job in my chosen career field. They told me they decided to go with someone with more experience. So who got the job? One of my classmates. This is her first job. EVER. FML

by alphafoxy21 / 05/05/2011 at 2:54am / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I found out that my ferret, which my parents had told me ran away a few years ago, was actually given to my cousin while I was at a friend's house. My parents didn't want to deal with him anymore and gave him away for free. FML

by Person in Alaska with a Ferret / 03/04/2011 at 3:42pm / United States (Alaska) / Animals

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

by shadowfigure / 01/23/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML

by alaskan1989 / 01/21/2011 at 8:27pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Alaska) / Health

Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 6:18am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a finisher to a date with my girlfriend we decided to park behind the school and mess around. As we were pulling into a dark shaded spot, she drove straight into a snow bank. We spent the rest of our time together trying to dig the car out. FML

by peacechick25 / 01/02/2011 at 4:36am / United States (Alaska) / Transportation

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2010 at 12:30pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

by lindsey789 / 10/07/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Alaska) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me. He's been in jail for the last four months. I paid for his very expensive lawyer. FML

by Beaten / 07/31/2010 at 7:50pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

by GonnaGetFired / 03/30/2010 at 8:11pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

by shygurl434 / 03/15/2010 at 5:14am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy