FMLs submitted from Alaska

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

by thedancingtit / 06/07/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

by rykelmb / 05/27/2016 at 7:40pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 2:12am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 1:12pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2015 at 2:46pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

by wtf did he do / 07/19/2015 at 5:02am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was excited because a friend had added me to a new Facebook chat consisting of my tight circle of friends from last year's summer camp. I then saw when the chat had been created. They kept me out of the chat for almost an entire year before deciding to add me. FML

by Alaskalex / 06/08/2015 at 1:50am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I lost a grade on an essay, because according to my teacher, I put much more detail into my analytical essay than I should have. FML

by writerflaw / 03/10/2015 at 1:36pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

by boyishgirl / 02/27/2015 at 2:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2014 at 11:02am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 10:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

by I_AM_READING / 10/14/2014 at 3:15am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous