FMLs submitted from Alaska

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 2:12am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 1:12pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2015 at 2:46pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

by wtf did he do / 07/19/2015 at 5:02am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was excited because a friend had added me to a new Facebook chat consisting of my tight circle of friends from last year's summer camp. I then saw when the chat had been created. They kept me out of the chat for almost an entire year before deciding to add me. FML

Today, I lost a grade on an essay, because according to my teacher, I put much more detail into my analytical essay than I should have. FML

by writerflaw / 03/10/2015 at 1:36pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

by boyishgirl / 02/27/2015 at 2:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2014 at 11:02am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 10:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

by I_AM_READING / 10/14/2014 at 3:15am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 3:13pm / United States (Alaska) / Love