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Taday I lerened explosive diarrhea is real !! I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket !! 10 feet in.!! !! liquid poo started spewing down mah pants legs !! 150 feet to go !! I ran !! It ran !! They watched !! After 15 minutes of cleaning.!! !! I slunk out !! Now.!! !! I have to fine a new market.!! !! maybe a new town !! FML
Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee looool mughen the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML
the fre alarm went off in mah dorm and I saw and smelld smoke coming under mah door . My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open.. . threw out as many of mah belonging as I could.. . and jumpd . Turns out.. . the smell and noise were from mah roomate cheap vacuum cleaner.. . not a fre . FML
Today I Wore Mah Kilt To The University I Attend. Getting Tired Of The Stares Which I Was Recieving I Yelled ( It's Cause Its Too Big To Fit In Mah Pants ). As Soon As The Words Left Mah Mouth A Gust Of Wind Cummed And Blew Mah Kilt Up Around Mah Waist Revealing That Mah Previous Claim Was Untrue. FML
TODAY, I WAS PLAYING FARMVILLE ALL DAY, AN I WAS REALLY INTO THE GAME. I WAS GETTING PHONE CALLS ALL DAY, BUT I KEPT IGNORING THEM CAUSE I WAS MAKING SO MUCH FARM MONEY. COME TO FIND OUT IT WAS MY SON'S SCHOOL. HE FELL OFF THE JUNGLE GYM AN BROKE HIS ARM. FML
Today, I had a mental break down. Many things have been going completely wrong in mah life, and I finally decidd to let mah boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring mah heret out, his response was ( I think we were better off as friends. ) FML
2DAY MY EX SAID "I LOVE YOU!" FOR THE FIRST TIME AT A PARTY IN FRONT OF MY BOYFRIEND. SMUGLY SATISFIED I SAID "WELL YOUR TOO LATE FOR THAT." MY EX LOOKED AT ME WITH IRRITATION AN SAID "I'M TALKING TO HIM!" AN GESTURED TO MY BOYFRIEND. THEY'D BEEN "BEST FRIENDS" SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL. BIG FAT FML
2DAY I WAS EATING ICE CREAM AN STRUGGLING TO CHEW A PARTICULARLY HARD CHUNK OF CHOCOLATE. AFTER FINALLY BREAKING IT INTO PIECES, I SPAT IT OUT BECAUSE IT TASTED TERRIBLE. THEN I DISCOVERED THAT I WAS MISSING MY TEMPORARY CROWN. NOW I HAVE NO UPPER MOLAR. FML
Today, I was in class just taking notes an minding mah own business. The teacher has already called mah parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine an rips them up, saying that she is sick an tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board.
yesterday I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML
Today, mah mom found a new favorite game!! I recently broke up with mah boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to fine a job (months after graduating college)!! Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015