FMLs submitted from Alabama

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

by lovelesslonely / 10/12/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

by youaresodumb / 09/27/2010 at 12:19am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

by Drunk / 09/13/2010 at 7:40pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2010 at 2:01pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

by WIno / 08/31/2010 at 10:46pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

by rosesareyellow / 07/30/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Alabama) / Geek

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

by idgit42 / 07/27/2010 at 6:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Money

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 11:54am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2010 at 5:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

by ouch... / 03/03/2010 at 6:13am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML

by richgirl / 02/24/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, my pet rat had babies. We've only ever owned one rat. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2010 at 3:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous