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FMLs submitted from Alabama

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

#14330238
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26227) - you deserved it (2905)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

#14048564
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26317) - you deserved it (3034)

On 12/01/2010 at 3:18pm - misc - by sumerflame07 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

#13754540
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17932) - you deserved it (5710)

On 11/07/2010 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

#13634114
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25505) - you deserved it (6141)

On 10/29/2010 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Taylor parsons - United States (Alabama)

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

#13496541
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24543) - you deserved it (2155)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

#13439564
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27217) - you deserved it (8901)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by ahddib - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

#13420604
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30748) - you deserved it (5838)

On 10/12/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by lovelesslonely (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

#13217380
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14298) - you deserved it (28457)

On 09/27/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by youaresodumb - United States (Alabama)

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

#13038622
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20794) - you deserved it (5473)

On 09/13/2010 at 7:40pm - work - by Drunk - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

#12934228
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24494) - you deserved it (2502)

On 09/06/2010 at 2:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

#12846178
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5893) - you deserved it (32315)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:46pm - health - by WIno - United States (Alabama)

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

#12198521
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11929) - you deserved it (28012)

On 07/30/2010 at 12:40am - misc - by rosesareyellow - United States (Alabama)

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

#12149322
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11594) - you deserved it (24391)

On 07/27/2010 at 6:15pm - money - by idgit42 (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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