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FMLs submitted from Alabama

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37225) - you deserved it (5198)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

#20978372
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41998) - you deserved it (3124)

On 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by rick - United States (Alabama)

Today, my parents grounded me for being "addicted" to drugs because I've been taking pain meds every four hours. I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, and my face is badly swollen. FML

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

#20926236
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45463) - you deserved it (5012)

On 10/19/2013 at 11:04am - misc - by sleepysophie (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

#20918838
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46851) - you deserved it (4357)

On 10/13/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

#20909145
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46260) - you deserved it (5023)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:20am - intimacy - by inhaler -.- - United States (Alabama)

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

#20886085
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35878) - you deserved it (2674)

On 09/18/2013 at 12:22am - misc - by NonBelieber - United States (Alabama)

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

#20885188
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43269) - you deserved it (3575)

On 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, when my husband asked me what the password to my new computer is, I told him it was the month and year of our marriage. He couldn't figure out the password. FML

#20872459
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43965) - you deserved it (6465)

On 09/08/2013 at 1:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22029) - you deserved it (64823)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, while working at a client's house, I noticed that their sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML

#20857966
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30746) - you deserved it (52855)

On 08/28/2013 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

#20839551
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38970) - you deserved it (9231)

On 08/15/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by stinky car - United States (Alabama)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38284) - you deserved it (3745)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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