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FMLs submitted from Alabama

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

#21046895
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40300) - you deserved it (5798)

On 02/01/2014 at 3:11am - love - by zippersaremoreimportantthansentiments (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40657) - you deserved it (22392)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

#21011588
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38335) - you deserved it (3731)

On 12/31/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend found an old nude of me on his best friend's PS3. I had no idea this guy existed until we moved in with him. FML

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37285) - you deserved it (5201)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

#20978372
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42035) - you deserved it (3124)

On 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by rick - United States (Alabama)

Today, my parents grounded me for being "addicted" to drugs because I've been taking pain meds every four hours. I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, and my face is badly swollen. FML

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

#20926236
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45817) - you deserved it (5055)

On 10/19/2013 at 11:04am - misc - by sleepysophie (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

#20918838
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46930) - you deserved it (4364)

On 10/13/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

#20909145
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46381) - you deserved it (5032)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:20am - intimacy - by inhaler -.- - United States (Alabama)

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

#20886085
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36298) - you deserved it (2709)

On 09/18/2013 at 12:22am - misc - by NonBelieber - United States (Alabama)

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

#20885188
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43332) - you deserved it (3582)

On 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, when my husband asked me what the password to my new computer is, I told him it was the month and year of our marriage. He couldn't figure out the password. FML

#20872459
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44023) - you deserved it (6470)

On 09/08/2013 at 1:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)



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