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FMLs submitted from Alabama

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

#21394097
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26125) - you deserved it (18921)

On 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my mom let me know that I'll have to spend my entire tax return on replacing my car brakes. The reason I need new brakes is because almost every single time she uses the car, she floors the gas while the parking brake is still on. FML

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

#21382751
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31204) - you deserved it (1965)

On 03/28/2015 at 12:39am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

#21368646
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32592) - you deserved it (2341)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by cheshirealyce (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

#21329685
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20162) - you deserved it (14022)

On 01/02/2015 at 11:04pm - health - by mosaicevolution (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

#21293581
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40586) - you deserved it (6516)

On 11/06/2014 at 6:37pm - money - by Anonymou$ (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

#21289781
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32174) - you deserved it (3210)

On 11/01/2014 at 2:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33878) - you deserved it (5428)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26612) - you deserved it (53256)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

#21272922
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30938) - you deserved it (2235)

On 10/07/2014 at 5:10pm - misc - by wtfmom - United States (Alabama)

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

#21247589
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37474) - you deserved it (5016)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16am - misc - by AgentOrion - United States (Alabama)

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

#21238336
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19395) - you deserved it (36736)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm - money - by thoughthewasjoking (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

#21231280
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38754) - you deserved it (2576)

On 08/06/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by spitstopper - United States (Alabama)



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