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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

#20647651
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37709) - you deserved it (11256)

On 05/07/2013 at 1:10pm - animals - by hitchcock2013 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11247) - you deserved it (24077)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25631) - you deserved it (4522)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

#217564
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39329) - you deserved it (13694)

On 03/05/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by ohnolunch - United States (California)

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50702) - you deserved it (5705)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

#17612876
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24943) - you deserved it (1998)

On 08/29/2011 at 2:47pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6533) - you deserved it (65201)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML

#13342166
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23381) - you deserved it (4185)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:01pm - animals - by ukfan - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

#20905661
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35233) - you deserved it (2772)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:26am - animals - by hoo flung pu - United States

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

#3878606
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31892) - you deserved it (25540)

On 07/19/2009 at 10:14am - animals - by Isabelle18 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

#14474591
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10483) - you deserved it (16831)

On 01/05/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

#17039633
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28296) - you deserved it (2983)

On 07/09/2011 at 10:34am - animals - by iGreen - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

#3739737
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47184) - you deserved it (7510)

On 07/14/2009 at 4:55am - animals - by doggone (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my next-door neighbor's birthday. Over the past year, his pitbull has attacked my stepdad several times and put some stiches on me. Lucky for us, the dog was finally put down. For his birthday my neighbor got a new, bigger, pitbull. FML

#4739824
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30335) - you deserved it (4795)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:07pm - animals - by ShockBait (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

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