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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

#3426
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28169) - you deserved it (2864)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:25pm - animals - by MoncaBang - United States (Illinois)

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

#4239314
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46304) - you deserved it (5885)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - animals - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

#13841741
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54704) - you deserved it (2658)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

#21159082
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33807) - you deserved it (8543)

On 06/01/2014 at 6:28am - animals - by Fat Arsed Lass - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

#20810087
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51324) - you deserved it (11685)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

#20719275
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43309) - you deserved it (6607)

On 06/11/2013 at 10:00am - animals - by Rjlup - United States (Colorado)

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

#20739340
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40268) - you deserved it (2839)

On 06/21/2013 at 4:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

#94421
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7829) - you deserved it (44690)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:44am - animals - by Chubsley (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

#7093721
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21620) - you deserved it (2486)

On 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm - animals - by ninjapup (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

#5441991
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10471) - you deserved it (74080)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by doggybag (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was finishing up my art project that was due the next day. I was really tired and fell asleep on my table. Three hours later, I woke up to find my project torn to bits. I went out and saw my cat vomitting out feathers and other materials I used for my project. FML

#5270344
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30336) - you deserved it (7366)

On 09/15/2009 at 9:21am - animals - by Meow (woman) - Singapore

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

#21237384
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33617) - you deserved it (4554)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:06am - animals - by hopeless romantic - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML

#19238093
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19583) - you deserved it (6690)

On 03/08/2012 at 6:53am - animals - by Anon - United States

Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML

#13657606
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24213) - you deserved it (6368)

On 10/31/2010 at 12:25am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

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