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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57342) - you deserved it (17217)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7325) - you deserved it (68609)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turns to my dog and says "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our new dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML

#4726515
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29763) - you deserved it (2735)

On 08/22/2009 at 1:39am - animals - by bigscarypuppy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

#17312573
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26947) - you deserved it (4393)

On 07/30/2011 at 7:58pm - animals - by Backinzi - United States (Iowa)

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

#19504619
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8212) - you deserved it (31552)

On 04/21/2012 at 2:01am - animals - by gimmeasalad - United States (California)

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

#3356894
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37329) - you deserved it (7399)

On 06/30/2009 at 2:07am - animals - by glowstick (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

#15713068
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15812) - you deserved it (22939)

On 04/09/2011 at 7:00pm - animals - by Danielle - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

#7767397
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23482) - you deserved it (3121)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:27am - animals - by Jammy238 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

#12305755
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41628) - you deserved it (7346)

On 08/04/2010 at 6:24am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

#19769177
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27336) - you deserved it (4708)

On 06/11/2012 at 3:14am - animals - by ILoveAnimals (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49548) - you deserved it (3949)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML

#18583606
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7666) - you deserved it (30878)

On 12/22/2011 at 10:02pm - animals - by steve - United States

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate my pen drive." FML

#21171341
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40725) - you deserved it (4429)

On 06/11/2014 at 8:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

#17901158
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27005) - you deserved it (3179)

On 10/04/2011 at 12:48am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43643) - you deserved it (8832)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

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