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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

#15855335
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44290) - you deserved it (5999)

On 04/20/2011 at 3:27am - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

#8663349
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7220) - you deserved it (27811)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:43pm - animals - by Shinobi_3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60614) - you deserved it (7153)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

#20788038
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48003) - you deserved it (4037)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:56am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML

#17277458
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29768) - you deserved it (2688)

On 07/27/2011 at 4:09am - animals - by CarrieRedburn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

#21126864
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45961) - you deserved it (5969)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

#20503854
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29637) - you deserved it (6514)

On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39580) - you deserved it (3302)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

#6896062
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9463) - you deserved it (33680)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by ApolloandDixie (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML

#18573641
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31481) - you deserved it (4291)

On 12/21/2011 at 8:41pm - animals - by kaipodable - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

#21135914
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44824) - you deserved it (13147)

On 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

#15762337
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19727) - you deserved it (39576)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:20pm - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

#5806197
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14122) - you deserved it (23764)

On 10/12/2009 at 9:44pm - animals - by catgirl911 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

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