Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Display options

Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, while driving, I realized I had left my phone on top of my car when I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look for it. I found it in the middle of the street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to my car, I noticed I had locked my door. And the keys were in the ignition. FML

#4866921
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15141) - you deserved it (33896)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

#268093
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58888) - you deserved it (15045)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by nickyniknaim93 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

#9139236
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32398) - you deserved it (2668)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:17pm - love - by latenightbite - United States

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

#21042937
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38701) - you deserved it (10482)

On 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm - health - by just the tip, though - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22726) - you deserved it (33558) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

#20087854
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22857) - you deserved it (4124)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:54am - kids - by HenryRollinsForPresident (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a little girl I give horse-riding lessons to told me she had saved up $8.00 for her own pony. I laughed and thought how cute she was, then realized that was more than I have in my own savings account. FML

#19054787
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25971) - you deserved it (10876)

On 02/12/2012 at 4:43am - money - by IHateBeingAStudent (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

#20005230
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25910) - you deserved it (5165)

On 08/06/2012 at 2:37am - love - by shastadoe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30831) - you deserved it (3429)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

#17934817
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46873) - you deserved it (7253)

On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

#20550170
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31586) - you deserved it (15937)

On 03/18/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by amberrenee91 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was running late for work and realized I forgot to pay a bill. I turned on my computer to pay the bill and brushed my teeth while it set up. I had a mouth full of mouthwash and decided to pay the bill before I spit. Then, I sneezed mouthwash all over my laptop keyboard and screen. FML

#8706318
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7214) - you deserved it (23887)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:19am - misc - by atleastmybreathisfresh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

#14117134
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22516) - you deserved it (1965)

On 12/07/2010 at 5:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

#7380973
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31946) - you deserved it (4356)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:36pm - animals - by riptoofie (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

#2865123
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44951) - you deserved it (2331)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Meg (woman) - United States (New York)

Refresh this page here to get more FMLs!



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: