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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

#21122879
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32669) - you deserved it (12794)

On 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

#12175151
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25755) - you deserved it (8426)

On 07/28/2010 at 11:00pm - misc - by runandmope (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date. He stole my credit card. FML

Today, I found out that my parents used all of the college money I have been saving up for 8 years to buy a beach house. The reason they waited until now to tell me? A tree fell on it, and they need more money for repairs. FML

#17726207
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36606) - you deserved it (2157)

On 09/12/2011 at 3:36am - money - by Me - United States

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

#21305183
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30793) - you deserved it (3250)

On 11/24/2014 at 1:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

#20553379
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37903) - you deserved it (19432)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

Today, someone, and I still can't figure out who, switched my shampoo with mayonnaise. FML

#21249696
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38918) - you deserved it (3717)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:59pm - misc - by mayoshampoo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

#15128708
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12753) - you deserved it (32170)

On 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm - misc - by jm_track - United States (Montana)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML

#21086140
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41229) - you deserved it (7459)

On 03/13/2014 at 11:36pm - love - by wabbyfish (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

#21281594
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30281) - you deserved it (5489)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:31am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, one of my students corrected the problem I had solved on the board, explaining that you do multiplication before subtraction. I teach the second grade. FML

#16829160
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10108) - you deserved it (48867)

On 06/24/2011 at 2:47am - work - by gutav indogop - Switzerland (Aargau)

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

#5873619
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39783) - you deserved it (1910)

On 10/18/2009 at 12:06am - work - by booste (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a woman attempted to pickpocket me while trying to educate me about God. FML

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

#19753089
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26078) - you deserved it (8222)

On 06/08/2012 at 12:35am - misc - by ugh - Canada (Ontario)

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