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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

#14849779
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50819) - you deserved it (3746)

On 02/05/2011 at 7:02am - misc - by bob - United States (Arizona)

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42887) - you deserved it (14357)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

#5942414
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30201) - you deserved it (2791)

On 10/22/2009 at 9:11am - misc - by roadrage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

#240249
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16012) - you deserved it (48574)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

#16054918
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11076) - you deserved it (42660)

On 05/05/2011 at 9:47am - health - by gymgirl (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

#16967772
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28149) - you deserved it (2234)

On 07/04/2011 at 12:13am - animals - by emegemerald - United States

Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML

#19549907
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17588) - you deserved it (5294)

On 04/29/2012 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year old daughter. FML

#8680556
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6945) - you deserved it (33569)

On 02/27/2010 at 1:17am - misc - by Shoe (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

#20440379
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11147) - you deserved it (39875)

On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

#17187115
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47027) - you deserved it (2773)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:40am - kids - by Harry - United States

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

#17416952
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42909) - you deserved it (7898)

On 08/09/2011 at 9:48am - work - by Lauren - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I went into my classroom to find a bag of shit on my desk with a note saying, "Thanks for failing me b*tch!" FML

#19670939
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21661) - you deserved it (6766)

On 05/24/2012 at 12:59am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend has a deeper voice than I do. FML

#18613086
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28058) - you deserved it (7130)

On 12/26/2011 at 1:17am - love - by Cary (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

#19470748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8767) - you deserved it (40911)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)

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