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Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

#19305380
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18285) - you deserved it (12719)

On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

#17147393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38459) - you deserved it (2722)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

#334841
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64442) - you deserved it (15785)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

#4127495
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16216) - you deserved it (47049)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

#15291408
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48530) - you deserved it (3814)

On 03/13/2011 at 8:48am - misc - by randinosaur - United States (Delaware)

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

#20874616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38187) - you deserved it (4052)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:51pm - animals - by Are you kidding me? - United States (Kansas)

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

#2763386
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43622) - you deserved it (3468)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

#18109822
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27456) - you deserved it (2826)

On 10/30/2011 at 7:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

#18056102
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25277) - you deserved it (3110)

On 10/23/2011 at 5:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

#703
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7288) - you deserved it (27373)

On 01/04/2009 at 10:33pm - love - by titou - Sent from mobile version

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45883) - you deserved it (3629)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML

#20722079
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43257) - you deserved it (6714)

On 06/12/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by mysea8679 (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45844) - you deserved it (8986)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

#20944930
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16136) - you deserved it (64739)

On 11/04/2013 at 6:39am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML

#20630234
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41821) - you deserved it (3556)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:14pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

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