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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

#21327341
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23391) - you deserved it (4175)

On 12/30/2014 at 6:47pm - health - by insomniacap (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38665) - you deserved it (6640)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

#19321337
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (2940)

On 03/21/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by J.O.S (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

#20741908
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42979) - you deserved it (6605)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

#20574297
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34848) - you deserved it (2105)

On 04/04/2013 at 3:12am - misc - by Claustrophobic - United States

Today, I asked the girl I sort of like as we were leaving class how her day was going so far. She said, 'Great. Don't ruin it.' FML

#21333389
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30115) - you deserved it (2624)

On 01/08/2015 at 4:26pm - love - by loser - United States (Florida)

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

#12612052
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16469) - you deserved it (27890)

On 08/18/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by roflcopter (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

#17820631
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24182) - you deserved it (2431)

On 09/24/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, the ugliest girl in school walked by me and said "ewwww". FML

#1091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24538) - you deserved it (7303)

On 01/14/2009 at 8:09am - love - by Mr. Shawzy - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

#19305380
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18462) - you deserved it (12793)

On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my best friend confessed to having feelings for me. I've been in love with her for a long time, so I was ecstatic. She doesn't see herself ever going out with me, though, because she's a couple of inches taller and can't imagine herself "towering" over her man. FML

#21378350
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32308) - you deserved it (2476)

On 03/20/2015 at 11:26am - love - by falling short (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML

#219945
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59679) - you deserved it (3055)

On 03/05/2009 at 7:15pm - work - by yankeebelle (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

#7334012
79 comments

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said that "you're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'll be bad for my social reputation." FML

#6403006
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37072) - you deserved it (3485)

On 11/22/2009 at 10:11am - love - by Jason (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

#20068907
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23947) - you deserved it (2059)

On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)

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