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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

#20150778
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26920) - you deserved it (15702)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm - love - by new name (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

#17705736
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23850) - you deserved it (6020)

On 09/09/2011 at 6:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML

#19183554
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16429) - you deserved it (22141)

On 02/28/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by iVaughtTV - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend decided to give me my Christmas present early because he's going to his grandparents' house for Christmas and won't see me. I was excited, until I unwrapped a sweater that I left there a month ago. FML

#6865867
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26538) - you deserved it (2699)

On 12/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML

#20075771
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29894) - you deserved it (2290)

On 09/17/2012 at 2:32am - misc - by twinkletoes (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

#17968240
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18827) - you deserved it (12114)

On 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Nickname (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

#14702634
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24366) - you deserved it (3407)

On 01/24/2011 at 9:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

#3882567
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47714) - you deserved it (5063)

On 07/19/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Churizmo - United States

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

#19360532
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6270) - you deserved it (51887)

On 03/27/2012 at 10:38pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

#2529769
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37191) - you deserved it (22318)

On 06/02/2009 at 11:33am - animals - by dumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

#15087655
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20872) - you deserved it (26018)

On 02/23/2011 at 4:18am - money - by suzyyy (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

#20622674
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73360) - you deserved it (10121)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

#7545764
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30922) - you deserved it (4759)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:32pm - love - by firstdate (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

#21271233
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33540) - you deserved it (4904)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

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