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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

#1976392
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45033) - you deserved it (8822)

On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

#20115984
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22500) - you deserved it (1512)

On 10/14/2012 at 1:29am - work - by bbbbb - United States (Connecticut)

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

#20122062
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21570) - you deserved it (2008)

On 10/18/2012 at 2:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

#12866112
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35265) - you deserved it (2377)

On 09/02/2010 at 3:25am - health - by coyote - Japan

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

#6581083
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36501) - you deserved it (2348)

On 12/03/2009 at 6:34am - love - by fmldr (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

#20821309
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35462) - you deserved it (9011)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:00am - health - by this sucks - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

#20805096
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28459) - you deserved it (65184)

On 07/26/2013 at 6:11pm - love - by i suck, this i know :( (man) - Malawi (Blantyre)

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I decided to try whitening my teeth for the first time. I applied the strips to my teeth and decided to lay down and wait for the thirty required minutes to pass. I accidentally fell asleep and woke up three hours later. My teeth are still in excruciating pain and are covered in white streaks. FML

#6841945
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9108) - you deserved it (29255)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:52am - health - by nikko blue - United States (California)

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

#17486446
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30743) - you deserved it (2435)

On 08/16/2011 at 12:54am - health - by Jillian Drute - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

#20690777
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54307) - you deserved it (3056)

On 05/28/2013 at 4:09am - love - by really? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

#21128082
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23651) - you deserved it (34246)

On 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by Mortifiedcharityworker (woman) - Austria

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

#20570035
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59083) - you deserved it (5969)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by madiison09 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

#3252753
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56649) - you deserved it (2966)

On 06/26/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Chedder (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML

#20007765
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19098) - you deserved it (1904)

On 08/07/2012 at 2:04pm - misc - by Alisha - United States (Virginia)

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