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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I took a picture of myself seductively eating an apple. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. FML

#19982867
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8191) - you deserved it (24481)

On 07/25/2012 at 2:14am - misc - by Rochelle (woman) - United States

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

#2647799
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34158) - you deserved it (10948)

On 06/05/2009 at 11:36pm - work - by hellogoodbye (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

#20436981
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24057) - you deserved it (10122)

On 01/01/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by christmaswillneverend - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

#17489385
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25025) - you deserved it (9977)

On 08/16/2011 at 11:00am - misc - by bursteardrums (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML

#7160237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38961) - you deserved it (3702)

On 01/05/2010 at 5:45am - love - by Chewy (man) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

#8437368
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22657) - you deserved it (5395)

On 02/19/2010 at 6:52am - kids - by JJ101 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

#17057009
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41482) - you deserved it (7009)

On 07/10/2011 at 8:01pm - kids - by tomcat69 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

#20511747
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45006) - you deserved it (4993)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

#7545764
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30595) - you deserved it (4731)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:32pm - love - by firstdate (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22221) - you deserved it (65293)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

#13457559
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22154) - you deserved it (3625)

On 10/15/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by IhatebeingtheDD - United States

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

#11895000
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19843) - you deserved it (24760)

On 07/15/2010 at 5:31am - misc - by bigmikenyc - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

#19874685
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20496) - you deserved it (2707)

On 07/01/2012 at 3:07am - misc - by rinala -

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

#19045802
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29046) - you deserved it (2894)

On 02/11/2012 at 1:23am - love - by annon - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

#897398
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13058) - you deserved it (54436)

On 04/10/2009 at 3:06am - work - by sifa (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

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