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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

#20507998
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21575) - you deserved it (14450)

On 02/15/2013 at 8:57am - health - by PurpleSloth (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

#2737644
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54121) - you deserved it (2653)

On 06/09/2009 at 8:16am - money - by dammit (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33577) - you deserved it (2908)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML

#19694480
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15838) - you deserved it (2705)

On 05/28/2012 at 5:17pm - health - by Phil (man) - Canada

Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

#7044957
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10192) - you deserved it (31318)

On 12/30/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by Jennyfromdablock (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

#14095149
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13955) - you deserved it (76235)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:04pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

#20397361
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22516) - you deserved it (4663)

On 12/12/2012 at 10:43pm - misc - by McFizzy321 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

#2730448
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10309) - you deserved it (46045)

On 06/08/2009 at 8:14pm - work - by Chipper (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

#20020707
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20670) - you deserved it (1534)

On 08/14/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

#20870135
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38624) - you deserved it (3301)

On 09/06/2013 at 12:10pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

#20156759
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21226) - you deserved it (3787)

On 11/09/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

#18547021
476 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18820) - you deserved it (15883)

On 12/18/2011 at 6:48pm - misc - by fmT719 - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

#20660668
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38089) - you deserved it (3825)

On 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML

#13716759
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23728) - you deserved it (3671)

On 11/04/2010 at 5:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

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