The hot goldfish

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

The hot goldfish

By burning_woman - 16/06/2018 21:40 - Netherlands

Today, no amount of scrubbing removed the pepper residue from my hands after cutting an extremely hot pepper. I am also part goldfish, meaning I kept forgetting about this. So far my mouth, eyes and vagina are burning excruciatingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 30

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Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 33

Tuesday 19 June 2018 1:02

You'll get another reminder when you next drop a deuce. That's gonna be a hell of a ride. Good luck! Let us know if you survive!

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 33

Tuesday 19 June 2018 1:02

You'll get another reminder when you next drop a deuce. That's gonna be a hell of a ride. Good luck! Let us know if you survive!

Keywords

Insurance Money Plumbing Awkward Suspicious Relatable Cheating Love AITA Relationship advice Weird First Dates Marriage Poopoo peepee Health Gross Mental health Cars Death Parenting Family Kids Miscellaneous Transportation Capitalism My ex Social Media Instagram Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, we had painters in the house. My 4 year-old grandson kept telling me, "Grandpa ate the painter's sandwich." While the painters were running an errand, my husband ate their sandwich, then left to go to work. I was left to explain/apologize to the painters that my husband ate their PB&J. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 81

Today, I spent my first night with my English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice, "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 838

You deserved it 7 995

The Top

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 735

You deserved it 8 194

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 833

You deserved it 2 331

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 796

You deserved it 8 815

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 056

You deserved it 2 517

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 166

You deserved it 16 138

Today, I got an empty peanut butter jar to put my used insulin needles in so nobody gets stuck. My husband washed it for me. He also wrote all over it: "Fuck off!" "Sharp!" "Do not fucking touch!" "Go away!" "Do not fucking throw away!" Thanks, sweetie. Now it looks like a crazy guy shouting on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 312