FML : Your everyday life stories

By sassy666 - / Monday 23 April 2018 10:00 / Canada - Whitehorse

World

Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed my undying love for it via YouTube. FML

Today, my mom gave me a severe scolding because I refuse to support my 3 sisters, and support 3 "home-wreckers" instead. They are my daughters, who are 3, 5, and 7 years old. My sisters are 25, 28, and 31 years old, and won't get jobs because they are "too important". FML

By Fml4evr - / Sunday 22 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom

World

Philippines

By no handouts! - / Saturday 21 April 2018 21:00 / Philippines - San Pedro

World

Today, I have to clear up after an orgy from last night. That would be bad enough, but I spent weeks arranging it, supplied the venue and everything else, and I was the only guy not to get laid. FML

By Frustrated - / Thursday 19 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom

World

Today, based on the significant time I spend at work, my phone is automatically labeling my work destination as my home destination and my home destination as my workplace. FML

By MKfml - / Friday 13 April 2018 12:00 / Canada - Toronto

World

Today, I bumped into my old university roommate. He's now a young retired BlackBerry millionaire. I asked if he saw my resume back in the day. He did, and put it through the shredder. Making out with his girlfriend during senior year was apparently very expensive. FML

Today, I was incredibly bored during a long bus journey, so I played chess against my e-book reader. On the lowest difficulty. I lost 27 times in a row. FML

By Bbpoor - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 19:30 / Canada - Waterloo

World

Czech Republic

By Kotlopou - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 19:00 / Czech Republic - Prague

World

Today, while rushing to school, I hurriedly checked my reflection in a parked car’s window. After a few seconds of patting down my hair, the blacked out window of the car rolled down to reveal a family awkwardly watching. FML

By Si123 - / Tuesday 10 April 2018 00:30 / United Kingdom - Renfrew

World

Today, I bought variety condoms. I chose one called "Endurance" thinking it would be extra strong, put it on him, and gave it a suck. I realised my mistake when my lips and mouth went numb. It has benzocaine on to delay him. I still can't feel my mouth. FML

Uncomfortably Numb

Today I found out my university incorrectly calculated my GPA. The threshold for the Ph.D. scholarship was 2.69, and I had a 2.68, so I did not get the scholarship. My new GPA is 3.34. FML

By UnComfortablyNumb - / Thursday 5 April 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Hatfield

World

China

By Anonymous - / Sunday 1 April 2018 01:00 / China - Xiamen

World

Today, I experienced the old joke about recognising women by their shoes sticking out of the driver and passenger windows. It was my mother's shoes in my mother's car, but the guy happily plowing her on top of the hand-brake was not my dad. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 30 March 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom

World

Today, I tried to remove my contact lens, but it wouldn't budge. Turns out I was pulling on my cornea. I now have a pool of blood in my eye. FML

By Seeing Red - / Wednesday 28 March 2018 13:00 / Canada - Millbrook

World

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years sat me down and told me how much I meant to him. He then told me that he's gay and in love with my best friend Miles, who he's been secretly seeing behind my back for over 2 years. I thought he was going to propose. FML

Today, I got laid for the first time in over a year. The girl then texted her location to her boyfriend, who I didn't know about. He smashed four cars, including mine, with a sledgehammer and ran off before the police arrived. FML

By Broken Heart Girl - / Monday 26 March 2018 10:00 / Canada - New Glasgow

World

Germany

He pulled a Carrie Underwood!

Today, I called in sick at work and went to the bar, only to find out that my manager has a second job there. I am now jobless. FML

By Andy - / Monday 26 March 2018 01:30 / Germany - W?rselen

World

Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years and I announced our engagement to my family. While congratulating us, my sister couldn't help bursting into tears. I thought they got on well, he thought they got on well, she has been in love with him for the last 5 years. FML

By lolbahadur - / Friday 16 March 2018 14:00 / Australia

World

Spain

By Anonymous - / Thursday 15 March 2018 15:00 / Spain - Marbella

World

Today, I finally received counselling for my horrible and irrational fear of abandonment. After sitting in the waiting room for two hours, I got a phone call from my therapist. She'd forgotten I was there and gone for lunch. FML

Today, my colleague Skyped me to tell me my tampon string was hanging out my shorts. I had just come from lunch with 5 other colleagues. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom

World

South Africa

Today, I learned that when airport security jokes that he's going to eat your box of donuts, you should not then joke back that he shouldn’t "because the powdered sugar is really cocaine". FML

By Frenchiesaffa - / Monday 12 March 2018 20:00 / South Africa - Durban

World

Denmark

Smart move.

Today, I got a letter from the police, stating that I must either pay a fine or go to court. Turns out my creepy stalker stole not only my underwear, jewelry, and pictures, but also my mail, including a ticket I had gotten for reporting my new address too late. FML

By You won’t believe what happened next - / Saturday 10 March 2018 01:30 / Denmark

World

Denmark

Today, after installing a clapper in our bedroom, my wife and I had some rough sex and the lights went on and off. That's how we found out about her seizures. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 9 March 2018 15:00 / Denmark

World

Austria

Today, my crush asked to speak with me in private. He took me to a secluded area and asked if my best friend was interested in him. FML

By Mr. Brink - / Friday 9 March 2018 06:10 / Austria - Wilhelmsburg

World

Australia

By Anonymous - / Thursday 8 March 2018 19:30 / Australia

World

Today, I cut my balls while shaving. They wouldn't stop bleeding, so I had to go about my day wearing a maxi pad. My girlfriend won't stop congratulating me on growing into a beautiful young woman. FML

By Painful periods - / Thursday 8 March 2018 18:00 / United Kingdom - Lincoln

World

Today, I'm stuck in the middle of a red weather warning because of two huge snowstorms. I've been snowed in at work for three days so far. No sign of getting home any time soon. FML

Today, it's my 18th birthday. As I moved out of home to study, and currently spend 95% of my wage on rent, I asked my mother for any amount of money as my gift. I desperately need new shoes and underwear, and haven't eaten for two days. Instead, I got a pair of earrings. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 6 March 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom

World

Australia

Today, my landlord called me to complain about me and my fiancée having sex too loudly every Friday night. Every Friday night I work the night shift. FML

By HungryBird - / Sunday 4 March 2018 01:00 / Australia - Peakhurst

World

Germany

Today, my girlfriend went out on a date with someone else. We're in Spain on a trip together, but apparently we're all done and she's seeing this person for the time we are here. I still have 10 more days. FML

By Phil - / Thursday 1 March 2018 01:30 / Germany - W?rselen

World

Spain

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 27 February 2018 09:00 / Spain

World

Today, my mother, who has no life of her own, barged into my house and demanded to know why we hadn’t had kids yet after 6 months of marriage. She then hoovered the living room for a while, even though I did it yesterday, and only left after criticising my wife’s makeup and body weight. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 24 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Pontefract

World

Today, my mother started fostering a child to make some money. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she didn't make me babysit the kid and take him to and from school every day because she's "too busy". I work full-time and she's unemployed. FML

Today, I got robbed. They took my stereo and laptop, but they left my car and a note that reads "Wtf is this?" FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 21 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Poole

World

New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It...

By Nessa - / Sunday 18 February 2018 19:30 / New Zealand

FML

The Top

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she...

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend a few years after I slept with his boss and got him fired. He is now a multi-millionaire investor and won't take me back....

Today, after faking my orgasms for several years, I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his friends that I'm super loose because he doesn't feel...

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Nearly

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML

Today, my husband came back from a trip to London. I was waiting for him to come home to help take care of a sick 6 month old and a toddler, so that I...

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World

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Today, I checked my e-mail after being sick for over a week to see that I missed an important email. It said I got the job I applied for, if I responded...

Today, I woke up to find out that last night I got extremely drunk, dumped my boyfriend of 3 years, bought a female ostrich, named it Frederic, and confessed...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told...

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister...