Kids and Health: Today, I leaned down to pick up my infant son from his highchair....

By Mamallama - 19/08/2018 13:00

Today, I leaned down to pick up my infant son from his highchair. He reached up and grabbed the first thing available to him: my nipple. I got purple-nurpled by my baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 393

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Same thing different taste

By possiblyoverweight - 08/11/2011 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 888

You deserved it 4 388

Classic mistake

By Katy - 14/02/2023 18:00

Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 357

By blargh - 03/10/2013 17:39 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 070

You deserved it 4 054

By roadbikemama - 25/10/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 261

You deserved it 11 130

Bittie

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 14:02 - Hungary - Sopron

Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 167

By WOCOACH - 09/09/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 887

You deserved it 5 038

What a tit

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 10:59 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 329

By ameliaruth09 - 22/01/2015 22:36 - United States - Milford

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month-old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 894

You deserved it 5 125

By cjay2200 - 28/08/2011 21:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 167

You deserved it 9 912

By Milk Dispenser - 12/03/2019 05:00 - United States - Herriman

Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 369

DMA 11

Sunday 19 August 2018 14:11

People say I’m crazy; people laugh at me, but it’s because of stories like this that I keep my nipples lubricated at ALL TIMES.

Glowworm56 26

Sunday 19 August 2018 15:06

When the baby wants his milk, it must be given to him immediately or there will be consequences.

Comments

DMA 11

Sunday 19 August 2018 14:11

People say I’m crazy; people laugh at me, but it’s because of stories like this that I keep my nipples lubricated at ALL TIMES.

GMSP 18

Sunday 19 August 2018 14:50

He knows what he wants, good for him.

Glowworm56 26

Sunday 19 August 2018 15:06

When the baby wants his milk, it must be given to him immediately or there will be consequences.

Davros 12

Sunday 19 August 2018 17:06

That's like waving a McDonalds bag to a fat kid.

blahblabbity 19

Sunday 19 August 2018 17:31

the mom struggle is REAL

Kruxon 11

Sunday 19 August 2018 20:40

So now you have the nipple of Thanos.

Charlie Given 26

Sunday 19 August 2018 20:54

Lol when my oldest was a baby I went to pick her up and I was shirtless she grabbed my nipple and a hand full of chest hair then ripped the hairs out worst purple nurple ever 😅