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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29912) - you deserved it (4751)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36719) - you deserved it (2930)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (7437)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

#21281118
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31540) - you deserved it (2127)

On 10/19/2014 at 2:19pm - misc - by forgotten (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

#21280767
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34858) - you deserved it (2508)

On 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by problems - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

#21280487
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38157) - you deserved it (2558)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML

#21280293
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35737) - you deserved it (2154)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:20am - misc - by Queensland - Australia

Today, I rode my new motorcycle to work for the first time. As I accelerated, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Apparently, poisonous spiders can actually get trapped inside motorbike helmets. Duly noted. FML

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31484) - you deserved it (15617)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

#21279204
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34448) - you deserved it (3448)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML

#21279192
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33218) - you deserved it (8118)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by not saying it was whores, but... - United States

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35548) - you deserved it (3731)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25821) - you deserved it (52024)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)



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