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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

#773670
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61015) - you deserved it (4767)

On 04/02/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

#773516
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53591) - you deserved it (9719)

On 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by dramateach11 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

#771918
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57996) - you deserved it (4806)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by happyeffingbday202 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

#771501
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139107) - you deserved it (12543)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

#768625
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18805) - you deserved it (55707)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by nokeys (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

#765962
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61545) - you deserved it (5831)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by nhanley1 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML

#765740
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25883) - you deserved it (50535)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

#764209
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13983) - you deserved it (131161)

On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

#763376
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61137) - you deserved it (29330)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

#761537
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65693) - you deserved it (3205)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by Dude - United States (California)

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

#761502
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70563) - you deserved it (7396)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by SupaSu - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

#760486
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26652) - you deserved it (48263)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

#760336
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19698) - you deserved it (72725)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by aprilfooled (woman) - United States (California)



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