Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had an excellent conversation with this guy I met on a gay dating site. We really hit it off well and had a lot in common. We got to the point where he asked me for my picture. I showed it to him and he stopped responding. FML

Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

#569980
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20737) - you deserved it (54729)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by nessacadesa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

#566984
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67949) - you deserved it (10048)

On 03/23/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by The_HML - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

#556029
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51677) - you deserved it (87339)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

#555809
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13547) - you deserved it (86378)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by Blondie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to see a therapist for the first time because I've been feeling depressed lately. I opened up and said everything that was on my mind. I really spilled my guts. After a good 30 minutes, her first question was, "Do you always talk this much?" FML

#555231
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68413) - you deserved it (7173)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by Nathan (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

#554524
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67058) - you deserved it (8308)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Marian (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML

#554363
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68661) - you deserved it (4907)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

#553935
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84634) - you deserved it (31551)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

#553783
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101047) - you deserved it (10803)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

#553334
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70453) - you deserved it (7818)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by unloved (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

#551399
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14398) - you deserved it (125264)

On 03/23/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (Florida)



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