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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

#3898
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25531) - you deserved it (1426)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by crakbbyaparently - United States (California)

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

#3797
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17753) - you deserved it (4266)

On 01/30/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

#3715
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25334) - you deserved it (1661)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by Ren - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

#3651
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7692) - you deserved it (22707)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:07am - misc - by pop_rox - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

#3587
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19575) - you deserved it (6363)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by Anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21271) - you deserved it (5139)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

#3491
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10416) - you deserved it (22683)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by blarg - United States (Illinois)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21725) - you deserved it (3136)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

#3430
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23272) - you deserved it (5726)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by FailBear - United States (California)

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

#3375
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25368) - you deserved it (7652)

On 01/29/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by iFail - United States (California)

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

#3360
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18821) - you deserved it (2296)

On 01/29/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by K Holed - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

#3333
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8752) - you deserved it (32836)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by Hahaha - United States (California)

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

#3269
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7401) - you deserved it (17823)

On 01/29/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by jalopenos - United Kingdom (Somerset)



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