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Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

#12567
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (276820) - you deserved it (49959)

On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20849) - you deserved it (26099)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

#12081
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31927) - you deserved it (1735)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by Joey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

#12057
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9512) - you deserved it (20899)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:40pm - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML

#12002
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45059) - you deserved it (3781)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by iamnotfat (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

#11991
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30291) - you deserved it (11175)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML

#11959
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10802) - you deserved it (21947)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:50pm - misc - by yerbuagalapagos wonder (woman) - Ecuador (Galapagos)

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

#11909
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27146) - you deserved it (1785)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by thesparrow (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

#11698
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16765) - you deserved it (2204)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by Lizz (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

#11697
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75841) - you deserved it (16624)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:23pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I committed to babysitting on Valentine's Day not because I needed the money, but because I just got dumped. FML

#11684
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21785) - you deserved it (2255)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by alone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

#11602
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10125) - you deserved it (42679)

On 02/06/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met at a speed dating event. He recommended the lamb shank, which I ordered without looking at the menu. When the waiter took my order, my date said, "wait, the lamb is $27, why don't you get the chicken". He then ordered the lamb for himself. FML



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