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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17782) - you deserved it (50063)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

#144886
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10710) - you deserved it (71775)

On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

#142298
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15748) - you deserved it (49651)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by River (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

#141258
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36239) - you deserved it (8449)

On 02/26/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by MadameM (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML

#138466
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52967) - you deserved it (4453)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by MADfml - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

#137765
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44790) - you deserved it (5222)

On 02/25/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Jello (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

#137064
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65196) - you deserved it (8475)

On 02/25/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

#135942
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8932) - you deserved it (34973)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:56pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

#135843
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50035) - you deserved it (14548)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by pk24 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

#135663
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22483) - you deserved it (35167)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

#134893
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54633) - you deserved it (2248)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm - misc - by xoothc08 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

#134892
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44641) - you deserved it (3076)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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