Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

by the-yao / 01/24/2009 at 9:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

by raybandy / 01/23/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

by Nik / 01/23/2009 at 10:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went back to my flat after a night on the town and staying at my girlfriend's. My flat was flooded. I had been sick in the sink and left the tap on all night. FML

by Moe / 01/23/2009 at 7:08am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

by Spanky / 01/23/2009 at 6:36am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

by ohn0es / 01/23/2009 at 5:45am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said, loudly, "Haha, you can't even walk." I then notice the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML

by william / 01/22/2009 at 6:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

by TotallyFkd / 01/22/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

by JBone / 01/22/2009 at 2:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my study partner for my biology class didn't go to lecture. Not once has he gone to lecture. I went to almost every lecture. He got better grades than I did. FML

by noodle / 01/21/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML

by Ella / 01/21/2009 at 12:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

by mat / 01/21/2009 at 1:02am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML

by crystalwho / 01/20/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous