Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

by Michelle C / 01/25/2009 at 10:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

by Sally / 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

by Champs / 01/25/2009 at 12:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, a ball rolled up to me, so I picked it up and threw it over the school wall. A little boy who was behind me asked for his ball back. It's Sunday and the school is closed. FML

by / 01/25/2009 at 7:36am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

by Teen / 01/24/2009 at 6:28pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

by yacoob / 01/24/2009 at 4:34pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad walked in to the arena where I was watching a hockey game with my boyfriend and his friends. My dad was wearing a crazy grey mohawk wig/hat. Meanwhile, my boyfriend just finished telling me how embarassing it would be to be that guy's kid. FML

by lizard / 01/24/2009 at 2:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

by Noname / 01/24/2009 at 10:24am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

by the-yao / 01/24/2009 at 9:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

by raybandy / 01/23/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

by Nik / 01/23/2009 at 10:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went back to my flat after a night on the town and staying at my girlfriend's. My flat was flooded. I had been sick in the sink and left the tap on all night. FML

by Moe / 01/23/2009 at 7:08am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

by Spanky / 01/23/2009 at 6:36am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous