Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you". FML

#214067
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55478) - you deserved it (7387)

On 03/05/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Brrrb (woman) - Singapore

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

#213399
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37012) - you deserved it (11528)

On 03/04/2009 at 11:29pm - misc - by a person - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

#211586
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80809) - you deserved it (4815)

On 03/04/2009 at 9:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

#210139
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58379) - you deserved it (3514)

On 03/04/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML

#209822
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71080) - you deserved it (8003)

On 03/04/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Damn_her (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

#209556
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69215) - you deserved it (2856)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:42pm - misc - by ringmaster101 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

#209503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71871) - you deserved it (4564)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by arrrrggggghhhh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

#208804
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50902) - you deserved it (8278)

On 03/04/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Sara (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it is my twin sisters and my birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me pretty also. FML

#208203
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109916) - you deserved it (5203)

On 03/04/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by Kensie (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26641) - you deserved it (41580)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

#206067
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58974) - you deserved it (3032)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by stupidneighbor (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

#205743
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70865) - you deserved it (2953)

On 03/04/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by VroomVroom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

#204015
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44862) - you deserved it (4161)

On 03/04/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by AznKoreanGuy (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: