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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

#35828
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27446) - you deserved it (5661)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:46am - misc - by Tamps (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

#35674
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9517) - you deserved it (33369)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by AwesomePGnarles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

#35636
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34659) - you deserved it (7172)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by buster (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

#34502
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36230) - you deserved it (3602)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Dariya (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

#34420
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10799) - you deserved it (39347)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by idkmybffjill? (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

#34306
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29381) - you deserved it (6336)

On 02/12/2009 at 10:52pm - misc - by yerface - United States (Texas)

Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft." FML

#34266
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45250) - you deserved it (7058)

On 02/12/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

#33444
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45583) - you deserved it (4558)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Duckie W (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

#33255
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16215) - you deserved it (36509)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by SmokedSalmon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

#32415
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77585) - you deserved it (10058)

On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

#30969
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38464) - you deserved it (1793)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by Johnny on the Spot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

#30954
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41390) - you deserved it (3668)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by cdaniel2 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

#30377
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38968) - you deserved it (4661)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by atterz123 (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)



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