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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my family was leaving for a weekend trip and was supposed to pick me up on the way down. About an hour before they are supposed to arrive my mom calls to tell me that there's no room left in the car so they won't be stopping to get me. FML

#152487
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47412) - you deserved it (1850)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by leftbehind - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

#152273
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45133) - you deserved it (13563)

On 02/27/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by wwasmer (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

#151604
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42906) - you deserved it (13437)

On 02/27/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Ackbar (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

#150971
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12239) - you deserved it (68611)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by Fenny (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

#150078
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17397) - you deserved it (48032)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17759) - you deserved it (50079)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

#144886
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10682) - you deserved it (71723)

On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

#142298
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15731) - you deserved it (49604)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by River (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

#141258
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36194) - you deserved it (8441)

On 02/26/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by MadameM (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML

#138466
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52917) - you deserved it (4447)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by MADfml - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

#137765
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44732) - you deserved it (5217)

On 02/25/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Jello (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

#137064
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65145) - you deserved it (8471)

On 02/25/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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