Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

by im_a_mocker / 01/28/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

by flying solo / 01/28/2009 at 5:35pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML

by 315 / 01/28/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandmother who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

by calikola / 01/28/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML

by kiddo / 01/28/2009 at 10:42am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

by hypebeast / 01/28/2009 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

by bedrockmike / 01/28/2009 at 9:15am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

by razzmataz / 01/28/2009 at 8:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

by Noname / 01/28/2009 at 6:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

by noneoftheabove / 01/28/2009 at 12:21am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

by Noname / 01/27/2009 at 2:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

by embaressed / 01/27/2009 at 12:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

by crazyvulva9216 / 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous