Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML

by ThrewItOntheGrooooooound / 04/07/2016 at 5:48am / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

by Stingraybeemonster / 04/07/2016 at 4:51am / Thailand / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my downstairs neighbor after she repeatedly banged on my floor as a way to quiet me down. I guess I'm not allowed to walk on my floor. FML

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2016 at 10:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

by Upfront / 04/06/2016 at 1:19am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML

by nothingtoseeherejuststealingtrees / 04/05/2016 at 4:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot an important book for school, because I dreamt that I was putting it in my bag. My brain somehow classified it as reality. This isn't the first time my dreams have trolled me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2016 at 4:13pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

by Oliveisthenewora / 04/05/2016 at 1:55am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my electric razor broke down during shaving. So now I have a face which is shaved on the right hand side and has a beard on the left. I don't own blades, so I'll have to go to work looking like this. FML

Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML

by fresh single / 04/03/2016 at 3:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father stumbled upon the quickest way to get me out of bed in the morning: ripping out my nose stud. FML

Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 5:23am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous