Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

by RosaMaravillosa / 06/27/2016 at 2:09pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old friend of mine refused to go to a movie with me. Turns out he was sitting in front of me with my girlfriend. FML

by WhatALoserAmI / 06/27/2016 at 12:08pm / India (Madhya Pradesh) / Miscellaneous

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

by lunarclips / 06/27/2016 at 10:08am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a wedding reception. I had to repeatedly shout and wave like an idiot to the waiter for my order because he ignored me several times and kept forgetting about me. I was the bride. FML

Today, I overheard my friends laughing about how my anxiety means I'll be single forever. I was too anxious to confront them. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2016 at 1:45pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML

by anonymous / 06/25/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

by smellymcgee / 06/25/2016 at 1:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I staged an intervention for my alcoholic dad. Within minutes he'd turned everything around on us, claiming we're in no position to judge him for drinking since we use "too much water" when we shower. Apparently that's on the same level as being an abusive alcoholic. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2016 at 9:51am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got screamed and honked at by a driver who felt I was in the way of his turn. I was on foot, and on the sidewalk. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2016 at 5:02am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father-in-law is still introducing me to family friends as his son's girlfriend. I have been married to his son for 5 years, we have a child together and another on the way. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2016 at 11:29pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

by not a shitty situation so fuck you / 06/24/2016 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister played a prank by pretending to break into my house. I ended up nailing her in the chest with my baseball bat. Now all of my family is bitching and wants me to pay the medical bills. FML

by BlueBaronBitch / 06/24/2016 at 10:59am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my mom not to bring her dog to my wedding, since he's a real pain in the ass. She told me not to worry about it because she didn't feel like going anyway. FML

by L_M_AND_R_L / 06/24/2016 at 10:15am / United States / Miscellaneous