Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

by Tennisplayer / 02/10/2009 at 12:59am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

by Ab / 02/09/2009 at 8:50pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML

by p00p_m0nsta / 02/09/2009 at 7:43pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

by TGIkaty / 02/09/2009 at 7:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

by a manly woman? / 02/09/2009 at 6:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still availiable. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

by Noname / 02/09/2009 at 6:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

by adrenochrome / 02/09/2009 at 4:21am / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Miscellaneous

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

by oops / 02/09/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

by seb21 / 02/08/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I looked at the facebook of the girl I really liked, and I saw she wrote on her friend's wall "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML

by YeahWhatOkay / 02/08/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

by lil_munchkinjen / 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

by olivia_stealth / 02/08/2009 at 6:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

by None / 02/08/2009 at 12:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous