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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

#130109
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42858) - you deserved it (3568)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

#129411
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52415) - you deserved it (5872)

On 02/24/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by asdfghjkl_12 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

#127425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105282) - you deserved it (4776)

On 02/24/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Rich (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in going . . . two people answered...They said they can't make it. FML

#126838
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45827) - you deserved it (4126)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by mylifeisfcked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

#125458
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50726) - you deserved it (24034)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:28pm - misc - by LockandKey - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

#125182
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37300) - you deserved it (4288)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:00pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56692) - you deserved it (6780)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16941) - you deserved it (44230)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my dad if he could fix my bed. It had been squeaking for some time. He shook his head no. He then continued with, "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell, you haven't gotten any in weeks". FML

#122895
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44220) - you deserved it (4573)

On 02/24/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

#121869
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19866) - you deserved it (49111)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by shilpajayseanfan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

#121657
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19203) - you deserved it (27378)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:02am - misc - by ouagadougou (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML

#121386
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43694) - you deserved it (4936)

On 02/24/2009 at 3:31am - misc - by jcc (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

#120192
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7163) - you deserved it (49894)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Timeless (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)



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