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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

#740929
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48267) - you deserved it (11490)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Thithien1 (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

#740213
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19710) - you deserved it (74455)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by whatashame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

#740142
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27276) - you deserved it (57677)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

#739087
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11746) - you deserved it (49413)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

#736026
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58543) - you deserved it (4965)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I barely pass my physics test with a 52. With anger I tore up the test in many small pieces and threw it out. As the class was taking the test up, the teacher found a mistake in the marking and asked us to return them back to him so he can change our grade. I would have gotten an 80. FML

#731788
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15422) - you deserved it (86641)

On 03/31/2009 at 8:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

#726526
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66678) - you deserved it (3774)

On 03/31/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

#724794
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50844) - you deserved it (30579)

On 03/31/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

#723787
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54409) - you deserved it (7319)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

#722108
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20809) - you deserved it (67358)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

#720551
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49554) - you deserved it (15074)

On 03/31/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

#719955
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69014) - you deserved it (4371)

On 03/31/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by Krissy. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

#718521
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12931) - you deserved it (66048)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)



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