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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23762) - you deserved it (233077)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

#2414317
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17268) - you deserved it (60090)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by theskippster - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

#2413563
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48914) - you deserved it (4251)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Wade (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

#2412589
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17936) - you deserved it (43049)

On 05/29/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by pissingcontest (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

#2406787
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20878) - you deserved it (45130)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by LALALALA (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

#2405054
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52776) - you deserved it (8578)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

#2401768
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48015) - you deserved it (3309)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jazzyfayyye (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML

#2398293
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48583) - you deserved it (4557)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by roark0806 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

#2397124
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14439) - you deserved it (49768)

On 05/29/2009 at 7:12am - misc - by ilikecake (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

#2396046
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43607) - you deserved it (13087)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:44am - misc - by suckerrrrr (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

#2395953
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11272) - you deserved it (53616)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by M2thaM (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

#2393913
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44262) - you deserved it (7788)

On 05/29/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

#2392986
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18213) - you deserved it (42931)

On 05/28/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by danyelicindereli (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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